Influence

Heyo, how's your day? Let me tell you how I feel right now, I'm happy, glad, sufficed and grateful. I just went to school this morning to do some gardening job. I love it, honestly, especially clearing the weeds. Froggie garden was totally full of weeds and grass, and mosquitoes too. They weren't cool at all.

I reached school at 8a.m., it was really quite because of holiday. I walked to the garden and I saw my club's vice president. He was even earlier than me, I salute. Okay, then we started doing the work. The situation of the garden was seriously bad, like no one cared of it. As I was doing my work, mosquitoes came and had my blood for their breakfast. Yea, I donated my blood for them, then I had a thought of having a program of killing the mosquitoes. I wish it could be a success for next year. #ihatemosquitoes 

My other teammates came and did their part after we had cleared a plot. At that moment, I was facing people that I had hated before, but I told God and promised that I would never hate or dislike them anymore. In fact, I have to try my very best to love them. Yay, I did it! I didn't get angry with anyone and I could control myself all the time. I feel extremely thankful for that, God listened to my prayer, he was there with me! 

Next year will be a not-as-busy-as-this-year year. Well, I'll be the president of Nature Club, I'm an amateur who's not experienced. I hope the vice president will help me and indeed my God 'll help me throughout the year. I know I'm a Christian who has to influence people. Yea, influence! I've got too many things to learn, too much to think as well. That's called life, no matter how bad is it, God definitely gets me out of the danger. Praise the Lord, Hallelujah! 

I love nature, trees, flowers, water, animals and a lot more. I can say that I do enjoy what I'm currently doing, I'm glad to have chances to face so many problems and solve them with faith. That's amazing. I just feel that God's there whenever I do anything, as in He actually protects his daughter, me! How grateful to have such a great Father who's always there with me. #iamnotlonely 

I felt insecure all the time before I have totally believed in God, and that made me a person who couldn't influence people or have a real testimony. I'm found, I'm no more lost as I don't feel insecure anymore. I know that God's actually doing his part. While I'm patiently waiting, I still need to be hardworking and to obey Him. Honestly and seriously, everything goes exactly perfect and amazing. God is really wonderful that he does all these and I feel as if I have strength to do stuff. #wordscannotexpresshowmuchgodlovesme

I'm now pretty excited about tomorrow's dating with my friend and Elisa. We're going to watch the Catching Fire, so cool. I love watching movies, films, soap operas, dramas and all kinds of entertainment. Then, I may be watching the Frozen next Wednesday. Well, I admit I love to be entertained, that's not something really good, actually. Okay, that's not a big deal, anyway.

Oh yea, I tried to help someone last night. Sins separate humans and God, that's why even though I thought I might be annoying, still I told my friend about this. If I didn't, I suppose I'd feel sad b'cause I didn't do what God wanted me to do. Glory to the God, I did it and I pray that my friend'll get out of the dark valley. 

I still wanna tell you something but I have nothing to tell. I'll write post when I feel like sharing something meaningful or my life. I'm a tree that grows and will bear fruits next year, that's one of my task for next year. See you till the next post. 

With love,
Emily
10-12-2013

Cool day

Hey, how do you feel? Must be great, right? Yea, I sound so happy and glad. Indeed, I'm. Due to the fact that I wrote a super long post before this, so I might keep this post as short as possible. 

I just went to 1 Utama with my mum, sister and brother this morning. Before we were off to there, we had breakfast together, we didn't spend a great time there b'cause my brother didn't seem to be in a good mood. Also, my mum was really unhappy about his 'black face'. I tried my best to cheer both of them up, well, it didn't turn well though. 

We were then off to the shopping mall. I told my mum and sister that I wouldn't buy anything even if I did really wanna. I wished I wouldn't spend a single sen. I had this thought as I'm a person who's always out of control when I feel like buying any stuff that I like, I'm a little bit crazy, haha. It ended up I bought 3 pairs of colourful socks, they're quite nice and cheap. Okay, I was failed to control myself (That was a big deal, really big one). 

If you notice, you'd have seen my title of this post is cool day. I feel that the coldness of the weather today and the coldness of my family members today are actually the same. It wasn't harmony, I couldn't feel much love that they gave to each other, like mum and sister. They were (and are) just too cool to each other, so terrible. I thought both of them were supposed to be more understanding and more caring. They shouldn't be like this, I mean, behaving in a bad way, too bad. 

I need to warm them up like how I warm myself before training (home training for my whole body, so that I'll be strong and muscular enough). I pray that God'll work for our relationships. We have to love each other, no hatred! Seriously, I have to break the ice, let them know that God wants everyone to love. 

That's all for today! I'm going back to my hometown Bintulu for 4 days, I miss my grandpapa, grandmama and grandmum. They're just too lovely to me, I wanna take photos (I'm the best photographer, oh man, I'm being boastful, well, I mean I'm thankful that God made me an okay photographer). Then, I'm going to Adelaide and Sydney (for the 2nd time:P) on Christmas Day. Australia, here I come. I wish that 7 of us would be closer to each other and spend a great holiday together. 

Emily
09-12-2013

A long story

Heyo, I'm going to share about my life, not really, it's more likely my 2013 Form 4 life.

I don't know how to start this, it's sort of a drama, maybe a soap opera, not a movie, neither is it a film. Well, it's a story, a year story. 

The start of the year was really great, I got to study with a gang of smarties who were actually as hardworking and as smart and as knowledgeable as I think. They were pretty great, scored well last year and so did I. Although I considered myself the worst in the class, I still didn't give up, I knew that Form 4 was a year for me to fight, for me to win, for me to do something really amusing. Yea, so I was chosen to be the head of decoration department with my sister, that sounded more serious that it actually was, haha. That was a good start for me, to gain some marks for my co-curriculum results. I needed it to go into a good uni in the future. 

The 'fire' of getting more marks didn't distinguish. In contrast, it burned more, as if it'd go off like a bomb. I just wanted to so much, so I joined 2 clubs, a uniform 'society' (I don't know how to call it, just call it this way) and a blue house (a compulsory one, basically a sport team). Yea, like how I wanted so much, I spent my time attending all these. It was exhausting, honestly, but who cared, I just wanted my marks so badly. 

The time flied so quickly, indeed, God did something me. He helped me study, join meetings and stuff. I felt glad though. I had everything! So as to get more marks, I even decided to join the school Chinese debate team, I was so keen on getting marks, I thought I could do anything that I wanted. My parents did warn me that I wouldn't have my time to enjoy my life, but I was a rock, stubbornly said I could do it. I seriously can't forget what I told them on that night when I told them how I could do this and that. I don't feel regretful but a little, it was sort of a dream. 

I joined the Nature Club for the sake of getting marks, and I even took part in a school project. The project was extremely tiring, like hell (I'm saying the truth!). It wasn't something that really fun for anyone, I supposed. I had to write the concept paper at the first stage, I was always in a hurry. I kept rushing. In fact, I gave too much pressure to the others and myself too, and there was the first time I stayed up really late just to complete a 500 word report. 

It was a Thursday night, I'm pretty sure with that. I sat in front of the computer for about more than 6 hours. You might think I was crazy, yeap, indeed, I was mad! After vomited the report out, I sent it to my friend whose English was good. That was the starting of everything, I stepped my first step to stay up late in my life. I was a zombie on the next day, having 2 really tiring eyes to school. My work hadn't finished. In fact, it just started. 

The writing reports and proposing things that we'd be running still went on although it was exam period. I put in lots of effort to do every part of it. I just wanna win, I wanna get more marks. I couldn't stop even though I didn't really like to do it. That was bad for me and for my good friends. I had a quarrel with my friend, then I said sorry to her, but who could forget what I've done? I don't think she forgets it... Anyway, I believe she has forgiven me, that's already great enough for me. Another friend that I had conflict with was my team leader, I supposed I stressed her so much that she didn't wanna pick up my phone. It was my wrong actually, I shouldn't have phoned her during the exam period. It wasn't fair for her, not for me as well. 

Another thing that made my condition worse was that I kept on chatting with friends on Facebook. People were my God! That was what I thought, so terrible, huh? I loved talking, really, I felt as if I was loved by people. I felt sad and upset when they didn't wanna talk to me, terribly sorrowful. Haha, so many things that happened to me, right? Something that made me feel stupid and silly was my mid-term results. I couldn't face myself, and also my God, erm, my parents too. I got 23 for the ranking in my class, in a good class. I was so disappointed, I think my parents felt that too. I was such a pain for them, I felt useless when I compared myself to the others. Then, I promised my mum that I'd try my very best to score next time for end-term exam on Parents' day. 

After that, you might think that I'd have given up to get more marks. But nah, I still wanted to have marks, and I still liked to talk, I loved that feeling, like I had everything. So, yea, I joined marching and some running competitions. I seemed to be a well-rounded person to myself. I did some studying too, I wanna have flying colours and I wanna let people see how good I was, how amazing I was. At this point, as you can see, I was totally lost, I was a hundred percent sinner who thought myself was a God. 

The project was on going, thanks God for that! I was truly busy doing it with all the group members. I did a lot of forcing, indeed, like once I made an ordinary member cry. That was the moment when I listened to Satan, asking me to get angry with those people. I was lost in the big, big valley. I didn't know what I was doing. After that, test was around the corner just right after Hari Raya 2 week holidays. I knew that I had got to be hard working, I knew that I shouldn't spend my precious time chatting with people. It wasn't good for both me and someone else. I knew that it was the golden time for the young us, to study. 

I got good result for Physics, 90%! I couldn't believe that I did it when my beloved Physics teacher told me my results happily. I was crying while going to the toilet with Elisa. I told her that I did it! I was really happy. However, I wasn't found yet. Haha, I didn't give thanks to the Lord sincerely. I was being proud of myself. But, I wanna tell you that you reap what you sow, always work hard when you wanna achieve something. Hardworking is the only key to success, truly, laziness ruins your dreams. 

I stopped talking via Facebook so that I could concentrate in my studies. I started to change, I paid more attention when teachers were teaching and focused when I was doing revision. That really changed my attitude, I was more disciplined. Also, I got 7As and 3Bs for my end-term result. I got 10 in class and 19 in the whole form because I prayed before any papers was given out. I knew that God'd do his part for me, for his daughter, Emily. Well, I didn't give thanks at the end. Like seriously, I was still lost. 

I was chosen to be the president of the club, to be honest, I wished to be. I was a little bit happy but not really that happy b'cause I didn't feel like people'd want me to be, you know? People thought that I was the wrong person, I wasn't encouraged. I didn't like to be unliked. Well, I'd continue my story. The closing ceremony of the project was a prefect relief for me. We got second, that was so cool. You may think that I' have been really delighted on that day, but no, seriously nope. I did't wanna to fight any more, I didn't want to. I just wanna be a doctor, a helpful doctor who sees pregnant women everyday or maybe does some operations. If I could, I would like to go to poorer country to heal people. My dad has got money for me to study, scholarship mayn't be something in my hands, I'd give it to people who really need it.

Until the holidays started, I started my blog, yea, this blog. I read a lot of books and talk to Elisa. I still chat on Facebook but I know what I'm actually doing. I know that it's not the right time to do anything people feel right. I don't know how to express or tell you that how I think, my language is bad, haha. Then, one night, I was talking with Elisa and I told her that I didn't actually really believe in God. Yea, even though I was a Christian, I still doubted what God would do for me. I think God heard Elisa's praying after she prayed for me.

I read books and also the bible, God's there guiding me to read all the books. They helped me to think about so many things that have happened to me, how I'd react. I thank God that He placed Elisa to be with me and let me think about who I'm and what's the real goal or aim in my life. I'm not nobody, I'm a daughter of God. I have to do something to glorify God and make His people to believe Him, truly, so that they'll be safe. That's when I'm truly found. 

I think it's a long enough story that I tell, uh, maybe when I think of something to add on, I'll write another post. I've got too much to say, hahaha. Oh yea, I'm trying to love everyone. Truthfully, it is a very hard work for me, like loving my enemies and the unlovable ones. Pray to the God and He'll guide me, I believe. 

With love,
Emily
08-12-2013

Days

I'm sitting in the living room right now. I don't think I'm going anywhere so I feel free although I'm sort of caged in my home. Anyway, home is always the best place for me to do anything actually, even studying! God's home is indeed my home, a piece one in my heart always. 

I woke up at 9am today, it was really late for a person who used to wake up early in the morning. But this is not a big deal, I suppose, since I don't have anywhere to go today. Staying at home and studying Physics might be a good way to spend my time instead of going out for shopping to spend my dad's money. 

Oh well, this school holidays is a summer holidays, for me. It's only been a month long since it started and I already couldn't wait to go back to my school and start my Form 5 syllabus. I love studying and a little stress from the exams, I'm so used to them I can say, though I hate sitting for BM papers. 

The excitement of going to Australia is very, very high in my blood. I do really wanna fly right now. I like Australia, honestly, it is a great place despite the dry air. I may live their education system and also their government. If I'm not mistaken, they have a good system to reduce the environmental bad impact, it's really cool. Yea, they don't have BM in their syllabus for sure and that may be the reason of why I say I might be fond of the education system. I'm not trying to tell you how much I hate BM, it's just I'm not keen on it, that's all. 

Before visiting Australia this year end, I'll be back to my hometown. It'll be a really short visit to Bintulu. I do miss it very much, the food, the place and the people. I like the noodles and a kind of cake that Foo Chow people make, they're divine! I think it's great for me not to stay in my hometown now, b'cause I'd get fat, really fat if I was there all the time. I miss my grandpa, grandma and my grandmum, my grandpa is a bit traditional but not 'that' powerfully traditional. I love him, he's a handsome and cool man that I've seen. No one could be better than him, not even my dad. Haha, my grandmum is a cute girl, she's slightly fat as she likes to eat. Oh, I wanna go back.

It seems I don't like Petaling Jaya, huh? Not really, I have friends and intimate here. They're quite nice, I rate. I say, I love buying things, I'm a crazy buyer or a mad shopper, I always spend my dad's money like hell, ah, I just can't help myself. That's why I'm so hardworking now, so that I won't be penniless in the future and can spend as much as I want. No, that shouldn't be a Christian's life. I study hard not for myself but for God. I wanna serve The Lord and his people. I look forward to this life!

It's been raining for some days. Lots of places in Malaysia are flooded. Many of the people are homeless and some of them died in this tragic disaster. I can only pray for them at this stage, I don't have any power to heal any of the pity ones. Let's pray. 

I read a book yesterday- THE ORPHANS CHOIR. It's spooky but interesting, the author is so creative. I wish I were a creative person as I could write so many good passages or essays, just to express myself or describe something. It's cool to have such a great blessing from God. Oh well, it's just a dream. I'm sufficed for what I have haha, I have a brain that likes to solve add maths questions and lots of calculations. Glory to the God  as He's done this for me. *peace

I'm expressing myself with this blog, I just wanna make this my diary, I'm afraid of losing my memory actually. I don't know why, I just wanna keep what happens in my life a piece of something in my brain. It maybe why I like taking photos all the time. So, yea, don't blame me if I keep taking photos of you or asking you to be my model, maybe I don't wanna forget that moment and you. Feel honored huh? Haha, forget about it.

I love to share instead of saying I love to talk. I just wanna let people know what I think, I just wanna let them feel how I feel. However, most of the time, I make people feel uncomfortable, I think. Well, I'm learning to be a better person, a human that God likes. In fact, I'm reading some books that teach me how to think and act as a real Christian, a real living creature on the earth. 

I'm going to have my lunch now, a bowl of green bean soup cooked by my lovely dad. Before I end my sharing, I may be watching the catching fire on the last day of it being on screen, wish to watch the frozen as well. 

Emily

07-12-2013

Blessing

Hey, guys! I just checked the stats of my blog and found out that most of my audience were from the US. Wow, I feel so glad. 

These days, I was caged in my house as you know, my mum was quite tired of taking me and my sister out for shopping or whatever. Anyway, I used my time watching Hong Kong dramas, reading books and playing the piano. I like to live this kind of life. It's comfortable and great, actually. However, I think God mayn't want me to be in this unproductive condition for my whole life. I'm a Christian, I have to do my work. 

The book that I read recently was borrowed from my church library. It's recommended for people who're lost or for parents, as I mentioned in one of my insta posts. It was translated from English to Chinese, you can buy it at idonotknowwhere. Haha, that's funny, huh? By the way, the book is really a good book, it talks about the social in this world. Well, read newspaper after reading this book, you might find it like a substrate to its enzyme, the problem to its solution. Honestly, people in the world are sinful. I can't believe how a person can actually 'survive' without Jesus. 

Oh yea, there're topics such as marriage, sex, depression, suicidal and so on. There're really needed for people who're living in this era. The roots of all the problems are somehow the same. Why do I say so? The first and the greatest and the most important thing that people always forget is GOD. People don't want to let God guide them, to control them to be their God. That's really sorrowful, you know? I heard of my teacher said that the rules in the bible were hard to follow. That's not true! If we obey what the bible says, we're not going to be in danger or with Satan. In contrast, we're the children of God who're free from sin, joyful and peaceful.

'Let God make the decisions' is what people always say, right? I find that a lot Christians always do this but it ends up they're still upset and don't know what to do next. Why does this happen? Personally, I think we always forget that God's given all the messages in the bible. We're lazy, we're busy and we're uneasy. To? To read the book of wisdom. I wanna admit that I'm also one of these Christians. Well, I'll always tell myself that I'll do it. However, I'll then go to bed and start to dream.

The answer is in the bible, we always forget it. We wanna make more money, study more books, get more happiness. Are that actually what God wants us to do? I've been thinking about this for a long time. Why do we live in this short-term world? We're here to enjoy and be happy? My answer for you is nope, we're simply here for God, to make everyone his children. So, our lives are for God. This seems to be a responsibility and hard job for us, doesn't it? But, God loves us that he really lets us enjoy this hard but joyful lives, you know? Take a look around where you're right now, isn't it nice and wonderful? Your family, your friends and your pet (maybe) and a lot more blessings from God. It's undeniably amazing. 

We'll die without God. This is right! We're here because God created us and gave us today. Some of us do wanna kill yourselves because of your bitter and sour lives. You have to remember that God's always with you, although sins may give you a distance away from God, remember he still loves you. The love is simple but great. Many people have today and many people don't have today. I just read the newspaper and there was a page about Paul Walker. He was only 40 years old, he was indeed a young man who acted so well (I think, since he acted in so many films). You're 'luckier' than him as you have today but he didn't. 

Life is short, so live your life to the fullest. What kind of 'full' does it really mean as 'full'? To me, live life for God is the only thing that I have to do. I study for Him and be a doctor for his children. That's a dream that I've always wanted to go for. I wanna serve for God and His people. If I didn't become a doctor, I wouldn't feel bad I think, as I know that God has His great plan on me and uses me in another way. 

I don't know why, I felt like I was lost after sometimes. But now, I wanna tell you that I'm found again. I was like a sheep getting lost and being found and getting lost again and being found again. Sorry for my bad English, but that's what I'm try to tell you. Sins separate us from God, but Jesus connects us with Him. 

Glory to the God, I have got some gardening jobs to do in school Friday. I pray that everything will go as God wants it to be. To end my post, I'd like to quote a bible verse with you. 

"Now we ask you, brothers, to respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you." 1 Thessalonians 5:12

With love, 

Emily

04-12-2012

Understand

Wow, I can't believe that today's the first of December! How are you?:) 

Last night, I had an early Christmas Dinner at my home, I invited 8 of my friends to my house, having dinner and watching a movie together. That night was a hard night, was a silent night. I was really scared and not confident at all. However, I prayed to God and he really heard my prayers. The night wasn't a success but a good night. I didn't really know how to have good relationships with them, but to try my best to love them. Yeap, love. My siblings and I planted seeds in their hearts, and it's my way to love them. 

That night doesn't seem to have any connections with my today's topic, Understand, huh? Nah, there's a meaning behind all these. I truly feel that I can't actually communicate with them, yea, none of them. I didn't know what was wrong with them or with me, but now I know, I have to understand. 

I don't only lack of understanding for them, for my little brother as well. Today, I was really glad and a little bit sad as I found out I wasn't an understanding person. I often close two of my ears when people are talking. Honestly, I don't really listen to anyone, I live in my own world, trying my very best to think only from my angle. That's not good, you know, as a Christian who has to spread the good news to people. 

I feel quite disappointed when I feel like no one likes me, I feel stressed as well, really. I'm not a good listener but willing to help people. But the thing is that if I'm not a good listener neither am I a helper. That's awful, I have been making friends since I was sent in to the kindergarten. I may have had a thousand of friends in my life so far, but none of them is my best friend. I'm not trying to hurt anyone as I don't wanna be a faker who wears masks. However, there're some really true ones, the one that doesn't act and wear masks.

It seems I have got lots of resolutions for my new years, too many. I just wanna commit everything to God, I really just started to believe God this holidays, I guess. Well, I trust, just trust. I think all things that happen in my life are what God plans and does. This is faith. 

People are different, unique and special. It's so amazing but uneasy too. I must understand my family and my friends, especially the ones who need love, I have to tell them that God loves them. Also, I have to spend more time talking or communicating with them. Although it's hard to carry the cross, I'll not be a loser, who surrender to Satan, nope. 

I'm getting fat this holidays, not putting on weight, Thank God. Owh, and I did Christmas shopping few days ago. I got a green shirt from Uniqlo, it was expensive, I regretted for buying it b'cause I thought it was cheap. Anyway, I should feel happy right? Sufficed too. Mum, dad, I love you. 

Some updates for you, Elisa may be starting to learn to play ukulele next year. I'm not learning though, I wish her all the best without me, haha. Indeed, she is always with God, so not to be afraid. 

Too much to learn in life. Learning to love is the first and most important work. I wanna love people in a right way. We love, because God first loved us. 

Emily

01-12-2013 

The true love

Hey, people. How do you feel today? Busy? Tired?

Well, I'm gonna start talking to you with my little biography of myself. Yea, I'm a person who has got a twin sister. Most of the people recognize me by this way, a girl who looks like another girl and is always with her. 

Oh kay... That's about twins. So, what's it gonna do with true love? I find myself really love her, thank God that I'm still patient with her and I don't keep any records of her wrongs. This proves that I truly love her, doesn't it? I work for her, I mean I help her, I do uncountable works for her and lots of jobs just for her. In fact, she can't live without me, and I can't live without her. Haha, there's no one can't live with anyone in this planet. Only no one can live without Jesus. 

Today, I really did a lot of things for her. Asking the owners of music shops for classes, calling music shops and also asking my friends for the details of ukulele lessons. I was kind of running here and there, just to know about all the details about the lesson, and yeap, it's all for her, Elisa, my sister. Unfortunately, something happened when I was doing these. 

The first shop we went today was the Wagner, it's a shop which they sell pianos and violins. I asked the woman whether they offered any ukulele classes or guitar classes. We spoke in Chinese and of course I didn't know what the Mandarin word for for ukulele was, so I described it as a 'small guitar'. Oh well, it's okay you may think, but it took me so hard to say something like this. Urgh... 

Fine, that's fine. I convinced my momma to take us to Yamaha music center. I can say it's quite scary. We entered the shop without my momma and I asked for the details of ukulele class (Again, for Elisa). They told me the information about the class and I think Elisa'd learn it here. However, she didn't seem to go this place. Okay, at this point, I've done my part as her twiny. 

The next thing is asking friends. This is really terrible. I asked 3 to 4 people and I think they got annoyed because of me, yeap me... I felt like an annoying person who kept asking people about the lesson thingy. Really, I sort of regretted doing this for Elisa, some of them seemed so annoyed because of me. I don't feel nice, either. I think they may ignore me next time. Never mind, I still have Elisa. Who tells me that she's my twin sister? 

At about 6pm, Elisa and I went to Fatty and Skinny Music. It was extremely terrible. I went up, I'm not saying that the place is horrible, but I wanna express my feeling, okay? If you wanna learn music, it's a good place for you:) Okay, so we went up and I saw some really artistic people there. I think they're really good at music. Therefore, I asked the same thing again which was about the ukulele lesson, JUST FOR ELISA. Indeed, one of my friends said I was a good sister. I don't think I'm but yea, may be I'm. 

Everything didn't go so smoothly, indeed. Uh, I honestly don't wanna have bad relationships with all my friends, but does asking for help really ruin it? No, maybe I'm not right. I have no idea, I hope no one hates me so far. Elisa, if you're reading this, you must be thankful, okay? Yeap, I'm thankful to have you in my life too:) (Although I ruined people's daysT_T) 

The true love, I see it. God loves me. As you can see, I'm still alive. *peace:P I prayed before going any shops, that's why I'm safe and sound after going these place. Accidents might happen if I was careless while heading to these shops. Not only that, I know that my love for Elisa is genuine, and her love for me so. I know that God's there always with me and her. Erm, pray for my relationships with my friends, please. Praying is the best way to send any of your requests, thanks and also messages. 

There're so many things that no one knows behind so many things. I don't feel like learning to play ukulele with Elisa, nope. I'm preparing myself to go into medical stream, I wanna be a doctor. A doctor who works for God and spreads good news. I wanna work for God. Okay, so yea, I declare, I was irritating my friends not because of myself, maybe a little, but for my dearly and beloved twin sister. 

You may think that I'm not gonna to leave her one day, but I think we're gonna to be separated after college. She might be in the East and I might be in the West, who knows? That might be the reason for me to do so much in a day just for her. Time is short, to the love ones, you must value. 

It's time for me to read the bible. I have been lazy for 2 days, I suppose, haven't touched the bible. Glory to the God, I'm still alive, breathing in front of the computer and typing this post. 

With love,
Emily
27-11-2013

Patiently waiting

It's a very cool morning, the effect after rain. 

There's a girl playing the piano and thinking about something. She doesn't have much to say, but a thousand questions to ask. She's doing the techniques of playing the piano, listening to what she plays, thinking of what she has to do. Most likely, her mind is blank, she doesn't know anything just for that moment. It's just too hard to think and to do.

She scored quite okay in her year end exams. Although she's sufficed, she's stilling trying her very best to learn and study all the subjects. Not to doubt, she's so stressed out throughout the year.

The way that she does work is under enforcement, she wants to be a person who can help lots of lots of people. In fact, she wants to be a doctor who works in Syria.

Whenever she sees her classmates get good results, she only puts on her big and board smile. She has so much to say to herself, she's waiting for God. She knows that God's with her but she's too impatient to do anything, she has to learn.

The holidays don't make her prepare herself but let her waste her precious time. Facebook, Instagram and Games are making her lose her valuable time. Although she hates them, she still logs in and does something that she hates.

She wants to study, to be well prepared, to do work for God. She can't waste her time anymore. No more, the public exams that she'll be sitting next year will be something that sets her life, which way she goes.

She need to be strengthened by God, she needs Him more than anything. 

The struggling in heart

Hey, how's you day? 

I'm not feeling very happy right now. In fact, I feel so struggling:( the decision is really hard to make, I surrender...

Once I promised, I have to do. I know this is right, but the environment or condition is making me doing another thing. I feel so bad, truly bad. 

The debate competition that I just joined was somehow a new thing for me to experience, to learn and to try. I did think that I'd have much fun and hardship but it was true. I endured the uneasy thing, the tough job that I had to do. I sort of thought that I shouldn't have joined it, but still I made up my mind, decided to continue this narrow road. 

The thing is not as easy as how you and I think. My parent doesn't let me join the competition as I won't be speaking in front of people b'cause I'm not around during the competing period. That's bad for me, I know, but I've promised, what should I do?

I consulted my fellowship teacher to teach me how to handle this kind of thing. Whether I should continue or now... He told me to continue and do a testimony, I was totally frustrated and felt so helpless as I knew I'd have to do something that I didn't like to. 

So, yea, I told my teammate that I'd continue, but another thing happened:( My parent, she doesn't let me go. I have 2 feelings in my heart. One is feeling bad as I don't do what I've promised, another one is that I feel pretty glad that I don't have to force myself to do something that I don't like to do.

Pray for me, I need God to strengthen me. I know I'm weak.

Emily

19/11/2013

Random

Hey, guys how are you? 

Recently, I'm starting a program for myself, a learning program of course. It's about how to love people, how to behave and so on. This is sort of my holiday program. 

For your information, I talk to a person online and I'm learning to listen to what people think, feel and all. That's hard for a person like me who likes to talk and speak to listen to people. That's why I have had a program for myself. 

Talking and communicating are something really needed for everyone in the world. There's nothing called alone in anything. We need people to do something together with us, we need more than a person everyday. That's how amazing God creates this world. It's like the Tower of Babel, no one could build it as they couldn't communicate with each other. Wow, see, how important communication is among people. 

Well, I can communicate with people for sure, if not, I wasn't here typing lots of words. Haha, thank God for giving me my today's life. I'm learning to love everyone. That's what I'm doing recently.

Talking to someone online is not something new for me, I've been talking for years. I mean yea, created a Facebook account and started to chat with people are parts of my life. It's also nowadays people's lives, I think.

I don't know what kind of like it is. Maybe not only like, it's love. I don't say I like anyone, but I'm trying my best to love everyone. That's nice, you may think, but no, I'm lost... Erm no, I was lost but not now.

Maybe you don't get what I wrote. Kay, forget about it. The life of having someone in your life is really a big deal. You can't simply live with a person who you think you like, but actually you don't really love. Do you get it?

I may love lots of people, but I believe there's someone or there're somebody I love more. Haha, not being fair to everyone. Yea, that's true. I'm not God. 

Thank God for giving me my family, I feel blessed all the time, they're just amazing! I love them:) I do wanna thank God for letting me know my friends, some of them are truly nice and great. 

This is a random post. 

Emily 

16/11/2013

7 months of my life.

Ahlo, my readers, how do you feel right now?

The title for today's post is 7 months of my life. You must be wondering what it's about for the 7 months. Indeed, it was really an unforgettable-7-month period. 

On the 12th of March 2013, it was my birthday. You may think that I'd be celebrating it and having a day off. But no, nothing like that happened on that particular day. I was told to wake up in the early morning and meet somebody in the school. I can still clearly remember what happened on that day, the day when I started my first step of participating in this wasting-time, uneasy, hard, tough, silly yet fun and educational project. It made a very significant mark in my form 4 life. It sounded crazy. 

The journey of doing each and every part of the project was really killing me. The obstacles like designing T-shirt for the whole day, unwilling-to-do teammates, stressful teachers and mocking form the others were seriously making my year so interesting, yea it was interesting. Uh, my brain cells were killed for these kinds of stupid reason. Oh well... 

The project was called Zero Food Waste project which I had to handle so many unwanted, smelly and disgusting stuff. They made me strong though. The way that I treated my teammates was really bad and mean, I felt so sorry for them. I just couldn't control my anger and my emotion. Glory to the God, I analysed my wrong and started learning to control myself. 

The project ruined my exam results, I feel so sad and disappointed. It took me so long to recover my beautiful result, I'm still recovering, for your information. The friendship of me and my friend was getting so much further, that was how work making everyone have no feelings. It's another sad thing. But, I'm learning to retain this precious relationship, trying my best to love my enemies. I need prayers, I need God to help me throughout these moment. #ieasilygetangry

The thing came to the end yesterday, it was a total of 7 months, I've changed. I cut my hair and changed my style. I started to think more deeply and pray before making any decisions. I've grown older, throughout these days, the days that I won't forget in my life. 

Out of 39 schools, my team won the 1st runner-up. We were awesome although we did quite a lot of cheating here and there. The maths questions that the organiser kept giving, I felt like being scolded everytime. Fine, let the past by past, I don't have to think about it anymore. It'll only be a part of my memory. 

We were the best, FROGGIE TEAM. 

Emily xx

13/11/2013

Follow feelings?

Ahlo, my readers, how are you?

It's a fine Saturday afternoon. I'm sitting in the dining room writing this post. Unexpectedly, a happy me is now having all sorts of feeling. I feel uneasy. 

Many things have been going on since the holidays started, I'm really busy. In fact, I have to be online everyday, I'm tired. Debate competition, closing ceremony and buying stuff for people are stressing me out, I don't get a proper rest mentally and physically. Dealing with people is almost killing my brain cells, EXHAUSTED. 

I'm reading a book THE BEGINNING OF EVERYTHING. I think I'm gonna finish it today. It's talking about the lives of teens of the USA. It does make my brain work. You may ask the reason of me saying this. Well, the book gives me a picture of how nowadays young people behave and how they look at relationships. Their behavior, I can see is quite random, really. They act how they want or feel. I can't see they think before they do anything, neither can I see the maturity in the people. They're just like children. Yea, I'm saying people who think they're mature are actually childish. 

Following the feeling is what most of us always do. For instance, many of us just wanna feel good and don't wanna do something that's eternal which is really worthy.We don't seem to have aims sometimes like playing games for the whole day or talking crap for the whole night with friends. I'm not trying to tell you that what I just mentioned are something that you can't do, but the fact is that what the point of you doing that. I can't see any good in doing this though.

Indeed, I'm studying something today, which is I call it - The humanity of feeling. Haha, it sounds weird, doesn't it? People always do what the feel not what God wants us to do. We tend to enjoy everything that is under the sun and try to forget the presence of God. Sadly, I think I'm in this group. I wanna get out I say to myself. 

The ignorance from people is really breaking heart, you know? People ignore just as they don't feel good or in bad mood. I can stand with it, honestly. I'm learning to love these people who actually do according to their feeling I think. Or maybe people ignore me just because of my attitude, I guess. Well, this leads me to the phone thing. I don't own a phone, it sounds like a scar of mine, doesn't it? However, I'd like to let the whole world know it, I wanna relieve from this thing which makes me so unreal and a liar, I feel like. Well, I wanna be true and have testimonies. 

Another thing that I wanna say is the way you treat people. I don't score an A for this which I'm supposed to. I feel like I shouldn't have written something for somebody who I think would probably ignore me. That's bad, huh? Yea, it's. But when I think, I really get the point of why people act this way. It's seemingly the humanity of human. They don't really think of the people who they ignore but themselves. I feel ignored indeed but I don't hate the people. I'm trying my best to love them as I know if I don't start to love them, they're not going to feel any loves.

Well, I had my fridge cut yesterday and now it looks horrible and terrible. I can't accept it although I seem to have accepted it. Okay, I don't think there'll be people looking at me. That's how I cheat myself, the truth is THERE ARE ALWAYS PEOPLE I DON'T KNOW WHO LOOKING AT YOU AND JUDGING YOU THROUGH YOUR APPEARANCE. Well, I'm making them sin, indirectly. Can I say this? Uh, sigh.

No matter how I look I'm just prefect as I'm. Thanks to my friend who motivates me to accept my really weird fridge. Uh, I don't actually look people at how they dress themselves but now I'm looking at myself that way. I don't think that's what I'd do as a child of God. What on earth makes me do this kind of stupid thing, I don't know. Go away, satan, I hate you forever and ever. 

I know people who truly love me will probably accept me no matter how I look. For example, my parents. I don't think they do think that Emily looks nice in her new hairstyle but they still tell me that I look nice. I wonder if they make comments without me knowing. Anyway, I'm fine. 

Tomorrow is Sunday and I got to know the news of me being in the committee group of the fellowship. Caring, I'm in-charged of that, I love it. God really knows what is good and suits me. 

Feelings, you steer it or it steers you? I have no idea for you but I'm pretty sure that I have to think logically before making any decisions. Indeed, I have to pray before thinking, of course that is the best way. Alright, I'd say bye to you. Stay tuned to my next post, I don't know what it'll be but I know you'll love it. 

Emily
09-11-2013

I win

Heyo, how's your day? I suppose, you're doing well. 

Now, let me update my current living. It's been more than a week of holidays, I feel great, indeed. Well, you might have thought that I'm supposed to be in a really, extraordinary good mood. Honestly, I'm as busy as a bee, going here and there. Yea, it's non-stop. 

God's always with us. That's what we always say, isn't it? However, how many of us do really feel it? I don't think many of us, though. Human beings are weak and impossible for all the time. In fact, we need God who guides us, finds us and also loves us. I think, most of the people all around the world don't actually think that the 'God' that we (Christians) keep talking about is the only and heavenly God. People are still hesitating when they're given the most precious gift in the world, whether they should take it or not. That's how sad, you know? It's like a tragedy for people who don't accept God as their personal savior. 

Yesterday, I went to watch movie with my sister, brother and English tuition teacher. So, the movie that we watched was called GRAVITY. It somehow scare my little brother, Eric. His review for the movie was THE MOVIE IS REALLY SCARY. Oh yea, he's only a 11 year old boy who's still learning to be a good person, building foundations in every aspect. Therefore, you might ask for the reason of him being so afraid after watching the movie. I did ask him, but he didn't give me his answer. Well, I guess he may be thinking that death is something scary like how his teacher scolds him for 100 times. That's normal for children to think that way, right? 

I don't know what age you're in, but I'd like to ask you if you're afraid of death. I don't have any ideas if you're or not. Truthfully, I can tell you, I'm NOT afraid of it. I'm found and I'm living a holy life which God is living inside me, and I'm living inside God. I deserve this privilege as Jesus died for me and of curse for you too. You might think that you'll be a loser when dealing with death, but I tell you, sincerely, in Christ, you're already a winner. Due to the blood of Jesus which washes our sins away, we've won over the world, death and sins. There's only a key for you to win, that's FAITH. 

Believing in God is such a great, wonderful, awesome and cool thing, you know? That's we get to feel the love form God. He's done so much, no, is done all of things for us. He makes you have today, he makes you have your life, your time, your family, your job, your books and your dog, maybe. He's so great, isn't he? Maybe today, you feel truly unhappy due to something like your friend just passed away and you absolutely regret that you didn't do much for that person. That's how you feel, right? Grief. I feel so sad for you too, but don't face the problem yourself, go and seek for God. He's the one who made you and who you do need when you feel bad or happy. You can pray for the bad things, I suggest, surrender these things which are under the sun to Him. I told my mum and sister that everything that's under the sun is really easy and simple. You must be wondering now... 

Things are not as difficult as how you think, that's what you have to understand. What thing can be scarier than death? I bet no one will say anything. If you have already opened the door of your heart for Jesus to live in, you shouldn't be afraid of death, b'cause you're more than that, your the winner, remember? So now, why do you feel sad for your friend's death or you're now having problems? Okay, for further explanation of your friend's death, I don't think you should be worrying about it, if that person had accepted Jesus as his or her personal savior. You know why, he or she might have gone home, yea, HOME. The home that God's prepared for us.

Accepting Christ is neither a hard nor an easy action. The acceptance doesn't mean that you don't have to do anything in this world. As you have accepted, you'd now do your work. Alright, you might be thinking of you working like a zombie or like someone else who doesn't enjoy his or her life. Haha, you're wrong! The work that you have to do is so much fun and joy. Serving the people, serving the Lord is truly enjoyable. You can feel the true love that you've got and how you spread it to people around you. I'm learning to do that, like what I always say, IT'S HARD BUT NOT IMPOSSIBLE. 

God's there offering the gift for you, you believe and you're saved. You're saved, then you bring more people who still have sins to be washed and be clean. Yay, that's nice, isn't it? 

Before I end my writing, I'd like to tell you not to be afraid anymore, believe and you'll get to know the way, the truth and the life. 

GOD IS LOVE. WHOEVER LIVES IN LOVE LIVES IN GOD AND GOD IN HIM.

(1 John 4:16b)

With love,
Emily
07-11-2013

Relationship

Hello, my readers, my topic for this 'cloud' is the relationship. I'm now sitting in the bus going to go to Putrajaya with my friends. So, I'm sitting alone writing this piece of words.

What am I going to tell you today? Well, I just deactivated my Facebook account this morning, I totally wanna surrender myself to God, I don't wanna waste my precious time on Facebook anymore. You know, I felt sad sometimes when I was online b'cause I had to face lots of problems and people. Enough! I'm fed up of the problems that I looked for myself. That's such an annoying stuff, isn't it? 

Talking about relationship, some of us especially the young ones don't really know how to build a good relationship with the others, including me, myself. To have a good relationship with everyone, we'd have good relationship with God. So how to have good relationship with our almighty God? 

Reading the bible, praying to Him and meditation are probably the ways. However, most of the Christians do these things for the sake of being a 'real' Christian. To be honest, I'm like one of them. Oh, well... 

I think, the most and the foremost important or vital thing to have good relationships is to love people, to love God. You might think it's easy to be done, mightn't you? But, honestly it's hard to love anyone, b'cause we're in our body which we're used to have sins. 

Then, how? I think we'd always have a loving heart which is prepared or equipped to love people around us. We have to try our very best to be patient while talking or communicating with people so that we can understand their words as well as their hearts. I'm quite failed for this, I feel...

Deactivating Facebook is sort of a way to break the bonds between the relationships between me and my friends. Well, I think it's not really called breaking bonds. It's a way to make the friendships more real, more appreciative. Many of us don't talk when facing with friends though we talk a lot on Facebook. That's the funniest joke in the world right now. Haha

I seriously like to talk. I'm a noisy and annoying person. I talk amazingly a lot, a lot. People get annoyed and irritated sometimes haha. Alright.. Erm, I chatted with someone who I don't talk with in the reality. I don't think the relationship is real. You know, it's so abstract, I can't imagine much. So, I truly love people around me and I wish they'd be true in a way that they talk to me in reality. 

That's all I think, I'd spend my time talking to my friends now. Haha, you can still email me if you wanna communicate with me. I feel happy, absolutely happy today! Bye:)

Emily

2/11/2013

Truth

Jesus is the way, truth and life. 

Today, I'm gonna to share about truth. Before that, what do you know about truth? 

I'm here to tell you that truth is righteous. Amen? Now, I'm confessing myself, to my readers.

The first fact is, I don't own a phone. Haha, how can it be? Why don't you parents let you have one? Or, Don't you have money? Are you poor? OhMyGosh, why are you so old-fashioned? You may ask all these questions, mayn't you? Well, I'd like to say that I don't have one as I don't think I deserve one. I do want one but I feel like wasting money and time. I think, it's not the right time for me to have something that's so expensive or so high-tech. I'm being so old, right? However, sometimes I need it, I mean I really need it to contact my friends so as to do my work. Uh, life is not all about myself, there're the others who're living around you. The most important thing is that I have to build a good relationship with each and everyone of them. In this world, how can I not to have phone but to talk with them? I feel helpless... Okay, that's not a big deal. I'm still alive without a phone, a mobile phone. That's quite great, isn't it? Although I don't like to tell my friends that I don't have one, my life is still as amazing as God's plan. I'm sufficed though. There's someone who was talking with me via my mum's phone. I like talking, to be honest, haha. So you might think I'd have told the person that I haven't even owned a phone. But I haven't:( I feel sad sometimes, I feel like being a hypocrite, sad... 

Honestly, I'm a busy-body who always makes people's lives hard. Sorry to those who I've hurt, really sorry. I don't wish to have gossiped things about you,  but I did it. I'm currently changing myself to be a person who's favourited by God. I'll try my very best not to say anything about you, kay? Don't be angry. Another thing is that I'm easily get jealous. This means I'm not sufficed with what God's given to me. Always, due to jealousy, I hate people. That's very bad, you know. As a Christian, my responsibility is to love people but I don't do my job. *Feeling failed:O Well, I believe God still gives me chances to correct myself by reading his words and to change myself, to love people. I'm learning, are you?

The next thing is I'm very old but naive. Haha, I dress to be very old man, yea man. People might not like me, I guess. I'm not being like a person who I'd be. Well, those who don't like me because of my appearance, I think you're too realistic. Don't ever judge anyone, kay? I'm telling myself-.- Actually, I have a thought of making myself a very fashionable person but I can't make it b'cause I'm that real, I'm really old... There're still somebody who like me in a way that he or she truly loves me b'cause of my personality. Oh yea, I'm looking for people like that. It doesn't mean I ignore people who don't like me, who judge me. I mean I'm trying my best to love as when I feel bad, I pray to God so as to behave well or to love people who make me feel bad. 

There're still something I have to confess but my brain is now shutting down and I'm gonna to have my dinner which is cooked by my 2nd sis. I'm truly blessed and thankful. Pray before I eat, haha.

With love, 

Emily

1/11/2013

Astray

Kay, I'm writing 2 posts in a day. It's amazing, isn't it?

I just finished my English tuition and I decided to write a 'cloud' which is called ASTRAY. It represents how I feel these days. I can't say I'm totally emo but I feel that there's too much in my mind. It's like I keep thinking about something or somebody. I can't help myself:( 

People, I mean someone who isn't behaving how the person used to be. I feel so odd from the inside to the outside. I thought of being proactive before the person started to speak to me, but I gave up. I really don't think it's a great solution for me to start any conversations, it seems a hopeless relationship between that person and I. I really have no idea in doing anything with that person. What I have done so far is praying to God, I know He knows what it probably should be. However, I'm still like a person who frustrates myself. 

Yea, I went to an outing with my current classmates today. We had a splendid time though. We watched a cartoon and then had a tea break. Well, we chatted a lot and I found one of my classmates was really mature, yea, the word is mature. I couldn't believe that she was so thoughtful and understanding. I feel myself a person who only knows how to spend money, waste time and be a pampered child. Oh well, it might change one day, you think. But I'm struggling on my own attitudes and personality, I don't think I'm good enough to do anything. I've failed so many, really a lot. 

Treating people well is always one of my praying requests. I've wished so much to change my behavior, to be someone who can influence people, who has testimonies. I feel so depressed, I haven't done anything good for God. I'm trying really hard but still suffering for my own problems. *Sigh 

Well, I'm patiently waiting for God to do something that He thinks which are good for me. I'll be hardworking too, to find the identity of me, I wanna do what I'd do in my life for God, for people who're living on this planet, they need help. 'You were made for more' is a new book that I bought last week, I hope I can get something from that book. 

Indeed, I'm happy. I feel loved everytime. I've got a family who really loves me no matter how I'm. That's cool, huh? Only a little number of human deserve this, I'm so well blessed by God, oh, how he loves! His love endures forever, I'm really thankful that I've known God since I was born. Also, he bless my family a lot, although we've had so many hardships, he's been helping us out of the danger. Haha, I'm being enthusiastic. But it's truly true.

I'm not sure whether my family or friends are reading this especially Elisa. She's my twiny, and I think she might be asking some questions. I don't wanna be questioned, I just wanna be alone. I think I can figure it out myself with the help of God. So, just keep quiet if you've read this 'cloud'. If you think you love me, you give me my own time, space and place to think about everything, kay?

Alright, it's time to say bye. My heart is an astray, I've got all sort of feelings. Haha, if you know me well, you know I'll get out of this condition or state very easily and quickly. Oh yea, remember to pray before you sleep, surrender everything to God.

All the best for tomorrow, God bless. I'd enjoy that book now. Nights!:) 

Emily
30-10-2013

Introduction of my new blog.

Oh, heyo! Nice to meet you. 

I deleted my old blog before starting this blog. It'll be a new page for me to write down every single little thing in my life. I may be writing some really stupid stuff or posting some interesting pictures. Oh well, I just wanna have my own space to shout out and to share things. Instead, I deactivated my Twitter account as I feel like talking to much and letting my friends know me. I was too open to let people know what was in my mind. I'm not saying that they can't know what I think, is that I feel like if they really wanna know, they'd discover it themselves, right? I'm making myself a mystery, haha. 

Yea, so I do think that I'd share my things to the only and greatest one - God. He is absolutely wonderful in doing everything. He's always there helping me, guiding me, finding me and many more. I couldn't be living here without Him, I can say no one can live without the Mighty God. Therefore, I decided to pray to Him before I make any small or big decisions. Indeed, I share things with Him instead of twitting my friends. 

You may ask me for the reason of having a blog since I just wanna share things with Him. Well, fellowship is very important too. We have to have good relationships with anybody who lives around us. Obviously, I'm failed for this, so sad:( Erm, but I'm trying very hard to learn to do witnesses for God. 

Kay, it's time to say bye. Sorry for my bad English, as you know I'm learning. Stay tuned so that you'll know me more. 

Emily
30-10-2013