Understand

Wow, I can't believe that today's the first of December! How are you?:) 

Last night, I had an early Christmas Dinner at my home, I invited 8 of my friends to my house, having dinner and watching a movie together. That night was a hard night, was a silent night. I was really scared and not confident at all. However, I prayed to God and he really heard my prayers. The night wasn't a success but a good night. I didn't really know how to have good relationships with them, but to try my best to love them. Yeap, love. My siblings and I planted seeds in their hearts, and it's my way to love them. 

That night doesn't seem to have any connections with my today's topic, Understand, huh? Nah, there's a meaning behind all these. I truly feel that I can't actually communicate with them, yea, none of them. I didn't know what was wrong with them or with me, but now I know, I have to understand. 

I don't only lack of understanding for them, for my little brother as well. Today, I was really glad and a little bit sad as I found out I wasn't an understanding person. I often close two of my ears when people are talking. Honestly, I don't really listen to anyone, I live in my own world, trying my very best to think only from my angle. That's not good, you know, as a Christian who has to spread the good news to people. 

I feel quite disappointed when I feel like no one likes me, I feel stressed as well, really. I'm not a good listener but willing to help people. But the thing is that if I'm not a good listener neither am I a helper. That's awful, I have been making friends since I was sent in to the kindergarten. I may have had a thousand of friends in my life so far, but none of them is my best friend. I'm not trying to hurt anyone as I don't wanna be a faker who wears masks. However, there're some really true ones, the one that doesn't act and wear masks.

It seems I have got lots of resolutions for my new years, too many. I just wanna commit everything to God, I really just started to believe God this holidays, I guess. Well, I trust, just trust. I think all things that happen in my life are what God plans and does. This is faith. 

People are different, unique and special. It's so amazing but uneasy too. I must understand my family and my friends, especially the ones who need love, I have to tell them that God loves them. Also, I have to spend more time talking or communicating with them. Although it's hard to carry the cross, I'll not be a loser, who surrender to Satan, nope. 

I'm getting fat this holidays, not putting on weight, Thank God. Owh, and I did Christmas shopping few days ago. I got a green shirt from Uniqlo, it was expensive, I regretted for buying it b'cause I thought it was cheap. Anyway, I should feel happy right? Sufficed too. Mum, dad, I love you. 

Some updates for you, Elisa may be starting to learn to play ukulele next year. I'm not learning though, I wish her all the best without me, haha. Indeed, she is always with God, so not to be afraid. 

Too much to learn in life. Learning to love is the first and most important work. I wanna love people in a right way. We love, because God first loved us. 

Emily

01-12-2013