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It's still exams season. It's been great though. 

I don't know what I wanna talk about. It's just a recent update. 

I've tried my best to study as hard as possible, but I still feel the emptiness in my brain. I guess, I didn't work hard enough. I'm really bad at memorising things. 

Maths and science are both interesting! They sort of explain what I wanna know. But sometimes, I just get really irritated about the fact that they don't specifically explain something. Yeah, they're not deep enough to let me understand how things work. 

I stopped all my co-curricular activities, including playing the piano. I feel sad that I won't be learning something new throughout the exams season. It's more relaxing, to be honest. Studying is a great fun. You don't have to think about some other frustrating stuff. All you have to do is to focus. 

I'm so so so looking forward to going to college and retaking up my hobbies. I wanna do so many things. I really wish that I could do things that I enjoy. Photography, playing the piano and singing. 

I feel weak a lot of time. My English is really bad. I feel that my dream/passion is miles away from me. I don't wanna accept the fact that I couldn't do it. Instead, I work harder to make it real. I know, when God's plan goes that way, my life goes that way. I believe that with faith, I will always have a way. Nothing could stumble me down. 

History and physics are left subjects that haven't been tested. I'm trying hard in memorising history. All the names and stuff, I feel strong. I think I won't be puffin much effort on Physcis, since I really love to count. Maybe just a glance for all the chapters. 

My heart is still burning. It's been a month since I closed Istagram. I seldom went Facebook as well. It was like 10 days ago when I last logged in. It's good to live without social websites. You're in a total free! 

Bye!

Emily

30/08/2014

Talk talk talk

Just had lunch. Today's also an exam day. 

Things are kinda great. I had my moral paper and I felt good. Then, add maths, it was a little mind blowing but still it was good! 

My eldest sister came home today! Woots, how nice it's to have family members back and we're together. It's so cool, and I'm grateful to have my family members. 

Okay, so I have nothing much to say, I just wanna relax or distress myself. It's really stressful. However, I keep letting myself get enough sleep and rest. To be honest, I sleep as much as I did when there was no exams. I'm still confident to score as high marks as possible. 

People who talk to me will definitely find me a boring person as I keep talking about studying and stuff that's extremely boring. That's why no one likes to talk to me. Oh well, my world is all about studying, what do you want me to talk to you? I'm tired. But then, I really salute to those who're willing to talk to me! You guys are patient and good and kind. 

Haha, okay, I should take a nap and wake up and then Malay and then history. 

Hope to get straight As. I don't feel nervous actually, there's always a way in God's plan. So, no worries! 

Bye

Emily

23/08/2014

Smile

It's another fine Friday. 

I had English papers in school this morning. I simply crapped about my dad, the topic was 'My Hero'. Truthfully, I'm never good at writing. Language kills. 

I don't know why I started this post. Oh yeah, there's something funny but weird that I've found out today. 

If you know me well, I'm a person who loves to smile at people, even a strange stranger. I don't actually mean anything while I smile, I just wanna give people a really good impression b'cause I believe I might make one's day due to my plain smile. 

Maybe it's because of people nowadays, they don't smile. That's why you can hardly find anyone who can smile at you! Once you find one, don't be overreacted. The person just wanna spread the love. Okay? 

Maybe you don't understand what I mean. Anyway, I just wanna write something while waiting for my sweat to dry and go shower. 

Bye

Emily

22/08/2014

Sand

I have a feeling of writing. 

Well, I feel like a small sand looking at the big sea. I don't know why, it's just an exams and it's not that important even though it seems to be. I believe, after all, no one will actually remember what happen before. Why do I care? 

It seems to be hard for me. I needa work hard. I can't help but keep pressuring myself more. I have so much to stuff into my brain, time is always the limiting factor. I'm almost prepared but not perfectly can deal with all these. I feel sad. 

Am I being called by God? St. George university offers the course that I want. I wish I could go, the fee is not as expensive as what I've come across. And while having devotion time today, the DOB said something about St. George church. I wonder why did God plan to let me see this? Is he trying to tell me to work harder as He's with Me? I have no idea but to strive harder. I believe, if it's His will, I definitely can do it. 

Alright, time to go back studying. Bye. 

Emily

20/08/2014

Remember who you are

Today's Monday. 

Yesterday...

It was a youth Sunday, things were being so exciting. Everyone was preparing in the sub-sanctuary an hour before it started. 

Honestly, I wasn't very scared or nervous even though I had a little fear of getting wrong. I told myself, 'God's always with me, and I'm serving myself for Him and I'll only be facing brothers and sisters in Christ who accept me.' Then, with lots of encourages from my bro and sis in Christ, I was brave enough to face a few hundreds of people. 

Being the chairperson was definitely fun. I escaped from dancing as I was terribly bad at it. However, I had to sing songs with my weird voice. Alright, everything has gone through smoothly in God. Hallelujah! 

Today...

I felt really lazy and tired to go to school as I stayed up late last night ( I forced myself to at least study a few pages of History). I don't like going to school lately as I have no mood to study in school, I rather choose to talk to my friends. I love talking. 

Things were all great until moral lesson. It was about to kill me when Elisa got chosen and couldn't say the definition of one of the moral values out. I was shivering and scared of her being so nervous, she was going mad soon, I could feel it. Maybe it would be okay, I think. However, her tears then streamed down and she weaped. I felt totally helpless. 

It was really a small matter. Nothing much about writing the definition out for 50 times. I know it's a lot but you won't die because of that and you won't lose anyone just because of it. Well, she was being extremely emotional and drew everyone's attention. 

I couldn't stand it. I know I never understand how she feels but the only thing she has to know is who she is. She's the child of God whom is asked to be the salt and light. And what she's done makes people think badly about Christ. I realised how important one's testimony is to make others believe in God. 

I'm sleepy right now. Let me take a nap and then start studying later. Bye. 

Leave a message if you want. I wish to have message... Haha

Emily

18/08/2014

Where

Hello, Saturday! 

It's raining, I feel cool and happy as being protected under a shelter. I'll soon start my study: Biology and History. I really wish to strike high distinction. 

Oh well, so continue my story. After waiting for such a long time for the web page to be viewed, I finally gave up and asked my aunt to help me check for it. However, she was in Thailand and so I asked my cousin to help me. Not long after, I got my results. It's NEGATIVE, which means I don't have to go for National Service. I should have been more cheerful than I actually was. Well, it's because Elisa got it. 

At first, I thought of lots of stuff, eg. living my life without her would be extremely strange, I couldn't get to go out as my mum would be not trusting me (I guess), but the most important thing would be she would commit suicide (I don't know:( ) 

Maybe I've thought too much. God's her strength, why should I worry that much. 

I'm still feeling don'tknowwheretogonextyear, maybe it's not the right time for me to think about it. Anyway, I'll be in a total focus for the coming exams. I dislike the school for being so bad as they kept changing the exams timetable. 

Okay, bye.

Emily

16/08/2014

Miserable

I should be studying or playing the piano right now. 

I feel really miserable today. Things are going well, but I doubt it. 

So these were all what happened yesterday:

- got the news of announcement of national service

- sent 4 SMS to the gorverment, but not the right information

- I was too happy b'cause it didn't say I got it

- I asked my friend, Cing to help me, but it loaded extremely slow

- then, clown helped me, but it was not the right one again. 

- Elisa checked just now, she got it. 

- and I'm stuck at the web page, it can't view the result and I'm so fed up of it. 

- I keep wishing not to get it b'cause I've actually planned my days and stuff for next year. 

Thank you for anyone who's helped me. I love you. I just can't help hating the service. It's extremely wasting my time!

Okay bye. I just want to make my anger out! 

Emily

15/08/2014

Sacrifice

It seems to be really hectic this week. 

Having trials examination is stressing me out. I'm enjoying studying actually, it's not as stressful as doing the other stuff like dealing with people. Yeah, I really love this week. 

I asked one of my friends to help me with recovering my sd card. I really hope that it'll turn out great. My another friend, who's my sister's friend as well, has helped me so much. Especially on last Sunday, he spent his precious time just to hope me. I feel so blessed to have people who're willing to sacrifice their time for me. I'm grateful!

Not only that, I took a step further as I sent a Facebook message to last year top scorer who got straight A+ in SPM. I asked him for the way of getting high distinction for Moral study. He told me all the tips and stuff like that. I feel as if God's sending 'angels'. God's amazing. Also, I'll continue to help people who really need help. 

I have lots of books to flip through, to memorise. I need to make use of all my time and make my brain work! Alright, get motivated and study for God. My aim is to get straight As, with maybe 8A+, and 2As. I gotta work hard. MEDICINE, I'm coming; MISSION, I'm coming. 

Okay, essays, literature, sciences and maths, I'm gonna stuff everything in my brain. Bye and all the best! 

Emily

12/08/2014

Regret

Hello. Happy BAD day! 

Alright, things have gone on well. I'm so grateful to live on the earth lately. Oh well, but my topic for the post is REGRET. 

People always tell us not to regret. Yeah, indeed, no one likes to be remorseful after doing certain things. However, we always want something that can make us proud of or happy about so that we can recall all the beautiful memories. Beautiful memories, who actually have it? 

I've always shared to my twin sister that I love photography b'cause of the art and the meaning behind all events or scenes. They never repeat. Life never repeats. What you've done previously would never repeat in your life anymore. There's no way. You can never go back. Never ever. 

It sounds really negative, isn't it? Yeah? Oh well, I feel really helpless and sad all my photos are gone. Gone! I can't do much for it, seriously. It's really impossible to go back. I shouldn't have been so excited about the photos. I'm regretful after all. I kept asking all the professionals to help me fix it. Things never got better.

Just as I wrote the 2nd paragraph of this post, suddenly, I feel that God is actually telling me to value my time to do the right things and always make the right decision, never let the heart to control your body, but the Holy Spirit to lead you.

I feel almost better now. I know I have got a lot more work to do. I haven't told my boss about it. I feel shameful. I needa pray. God does work on people who are weak to be strong and to be the testimonies for the others. I gotta be strong in God. He equips me, why am I here to be afraid? 

Say no more regrets, look forward! There are models waiting for me to take their best angels! I shouldn't be living in the past, I have to look forward. God's asking me to study for him, so that I won't regret! 

“no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit” (Rom. 8:1)

Bye. 

Emily

08/08/2014

Hot

This week is definitely a busy week. 

I can hardly find anytime for sitting there day-dreaming or thinking about random stuffs. Well, I don't actually do them in my life. Okay, anyway, I just wanna say I have got not much time to enjoy. 

I have got to stay back everyday, except for today! I thank God for giving me a day to break and take a rest and write this post. His planning is perfect. 

This week is said to be the last of the year. I had my last singing in the choir for this year, my last duty for photography, my last post in Intagram for this year. I did all these for the coming soon public exam. It's sorta a really important examination for me. It probably affects my life. 

Studying life is good sometimes. I'm really satisfied when I'm done with all the chapters. Through the tests and exams, you can experience what God's done on you. I don't think I'll miss my secondary school life but certainly I'll like to recall all the moments.

I WISH MY LITTLE FIRE COULD MELT THEIR FREEZING HEARTS. 

This is my recent status. I'm trying extremely hard to be responsible and helpful. I wanna be the salt and light that God wants me to be. People are too cold to everything. They seem to be not a part of the world. Yeah, I agree that we're not for the world but God's given the task for us to rule the world and modify it! We have to do it, don't be selfish! Hinder yourself from self-centre. 

I'm really sick of people who act like not their responsibility to help the others. For instance, keeping the school clean, erasing the whiteboard, helping your friends to keep their book, giving people way to go and showing your lovely smiles to everyone that you meet. These are what humans are supposed to do. 

I feel sad for the world. But then, I'm positive, their icy hearts will be melted. I'll not let my fire burn out. 

Okay, I'll have to do my work now. There will be Japanese students visiting my school tomorrow. I'll have to take photos till 3pm. It'll be my last duty as I mentioned before. Also, tomorrow will be my last meeting for Nature Club. I'm no longer the president of it. Good bye:*

Pray for me. 

Emily

06/08/2014

The mission

Today's another great day! 

Hello! I'm gonna talk about what I've seen and learnt today. 

So, yeah, basically, I went to church early in the morning as Elisa had dance practice today. I planned to study a little history at the church but well, it failed. I was so distracted by their performance and stuff like that. It was really meaningful though. A person without a phone is meant to be laughed by the others. That's terribly bad! Materialistic stuff makes one become so sinful. Yeah, I mean the performance, it brought up such a good sarcasm for people nowadays. 

Well, I was alone watching them practising (b'cause I'll be the chairman on that day). I thank God that I don't have to dance, to be honest, I'm really bad at dancing. I still remember how idiotic I was when I danced last year. Okay, I'm not stupid, what I mean is my gift do talent is not dancing. I don't wanna spoil everything. 

The ability to sing and talk is a great gift from God. I can sing! I love singing alto, soprano is also quite fun. Well, I feel so sad that I can't join the choir this year. The most sorrowful thing is that my parents don't encourage me to join choir! I really pray that they'll one day know the meaning of living on the earth. 

Alright, I have to start studying! History here I come. I wanna digest you till there's an A+ for you in my SPM cert. 

Kay, bye! XO

Emily

03/08/2014

Burning

Hey, it's time for blogging again. 

I'm just about to finish my English homework. Things are kinda great today! 

I bought a pair fipper slippers. It's turquoise in colour and I love it! I love colourful stuff. It costs me RM 14 something. I shouldn't be spending much now as I've actually promised to live a simple life. I'm trying, uh, thank God I didn't buy the black skirt. I cannot spend too much. 

By the way, I eat a lot. My weight gained so much since last year. I kinda don't care about it but I don't like looking fat. Anyway, I still can't resist the desire of eating food. I should fast and pray so that I'm not tempted by things in the world such as FOOD. Oh well, this is quite a serious issue, I'm easily tempted. Sad...

Just to update my current status. I'm so stressed out for exams. I'm sure that I'll go for medicine and I needa study extremely hard. A- and B+ can't bring me far. I have to do more. Well, don't aim to be the best but always do my best! God is great. #everythingthatidoisforgod

I stopped choir, club and Instagram. My time is more for studying now. I've done lots of stuff just to control myself form being tempted. I don't wanna waste time since it's the limiting factor. 

Before school starts, I should read up history and maybe revise some maths. I really hope to get rid of Maths, Chemistry, Moral and Chinese as soon as possible. After these four are done, I'll have an intense training. I keep reminding myself that I'm studying for God, not for myself. Joyful while studying, joyful while serving The Lord. 

I kinda in love with singing Alto. It's hard to get the key and stuff like that, though. The most important thing is the attitude of singing. Am I singing to show off? Or am I singing to praise The Lord? The main purpose must be considered every time when anyone is serving The Lord. 

I won't be online on Facebook. But then, you can still message me or contact me with phone. (Get my phone number 😗) 

Bye. 

I'M STRONG WITH GOD IN MY HEART. HE'S MY CORNER STONE. AMEN

Emily

02/08/2014

The 1st of August

After a long night sleep. I'm finally awake. 

Indeed, things happen in unpredictable ways. Time flies as fast as how gas particles diffuse and collide randomly. Okay, too much science. Yeah, it's really quick and till now I finally recall what I've actually done for the past few months. 

January- I was extremely busy about studying. I remember, I wished to score to get really high marks. 

February- Chinese New Year and I got back to hometown. I had a really sad and bad experience, I saw how people classified ones just because they thought you were not holy enough. Enough, you're not a special one, we're all human beings who are created by God and have sins. 

March- Monthly test and Birthday. I strived really hard and I got 9 mixed As except BM for a C. I was so satisfied and b'cause study life was hard. Then, I remember my classmates celebrated my birthday. I love them. 

April- The most significant thing in this month would be photography. I helped my classmates to take photos for school magazine. I enjoyed shooting with them, they were just like children. 

May- Having mid-term exams and I was totally stressed out. I told my mum that I didn't wanna study the day before each subject. Of course I got really dissaponiting marks. I felt so far from going into a medical school. 

June- Holidays and I spent my weeks reading the Chinese trilogy. It was great. But then I had a really hard time when school started. I needa study and do decorations for Blue house at the same time. I fell sick once because of not enough sleep and I forced to go home during school time. I cried once at night, and my good friend kind of encouraged me. I will never forget about that night. Also, I joined church choir and had lots of fun. 

July- Monthly test again, it was like so soon. I didn't prepare much. So most of my results were B+. Sorry, I know I'm too career minded, but then I really have to take much care of it since I'm sure to be a doctor next time. Then church choir stuff made me kinda busy and couldn't manage to do my English homework. Okay, that's okay. Well, then I had church camp and God told me something very in-obviously which was to do healing job int the future.

August- Today, the M10 starts. I'm actually very afraid of it. I don't know if I can wake up that early to read the bible and think and pray. Well, don't worry too much. My goal of the month, finish all the syllabus and read the bible everyday. Discipline is so greatly needed! 

I have strength, He's my corner stone. 

Bye

Emily

01/08/2014