I just finished my English tuition and I decided to write a 'cloud' which is called ASTRAY. It represents how I feel these days. I can't say I'm totally emo but I feel that there's too much in my mind. It's like I keep thinking about something or somebody. I can't help myself:(
People, I mean someone who isn't behaving how the person used to be. I feel so odd from the inside to the outside. I thought of being proactive before the person started to speak to me, but I gave up. I really don't think it's a great solution for me to start any conversations, it seems a hopeless relationship between that person and I. I really have no idea in doing anything with that person. What I have done so far is praying to God, I know He knows what it probably should be. However, I'm still like a person who frustrates myself.
Yea, I went to an outing with my current classmates today. We had a splendid time though. We watched a cartoon and then had a tea break. Well, we chatted a lot and I found one of my classmates was really mature, yea, the word is mature. I couldn't believe that she was so thoughtful and understanding. I feel myself a person who only knows how to spend money, waste time and be a pampered child. Oh well, it might change one day, you think. But I'm struggling on my own attitudes and personality, I don't think I'm good enough to do anything. I've failed so many, really a lot.
Treating people well is always one of my praying requests. I've wished so much to change my behavior, to be someone who can influence people, who has testimonies. I feel so depressed, I haven't done anything good for God. I'm trying really hard but still suffering for my own problems. *Sigh
Well, I'm patiently waiting for God to do something that He thinks which are good for me. I'll be hardworking too, to find the identity of me, I wanna do what I'd do in my life for God, for people who're living on this planet, they need help. 'You were made for more' is a new book that I bought last week, I hope I can get something from that book.
Indeed, I'm happy. I feel loved everytime. I've got a family who really loves me no matter how I'm. That's cool, huh? Only a little number of human deserve this, I'm so well blessed by God, oh, how he loves! His love endures forever, I'm really thankful that I've known God since I was born. Also, he bless my family a lot, although we've had so many hardships, he's been helping us out of the danger. Haha, I'm being enthusiastic. But it's truly true.
I'm not sure whether my family or friends are reading this especially Elisa. She's my twiny, and I think she might be asking some questions. I don't wanna be questioned, I just wanna be alone. I think I can figure it out myself with the help of God. So, just keep quiet if you've read this 'cloud'. If you think you love me, you give me my own time, space and place to think about everything, kay?
Alright, it's time to say bye. My heart is an astray, I've got all sort of feelings. Haha, if you know me well, you know I'll get out of this condition or state very easily and quickly. Oh yea, remember to pray before you sleep, surrender everything to God.
All the best for tomorrow, God bless. I'd enjoy that book now. Nights!:)
30-10-2013
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