Sorry

Hello!

Today's a school day. It was pretty boring. The talk for sejarah paper was really unhelpful and nonsense. I gained nothing from the talk! I sound so angry right? I actually have no idea what I should do at this stage. I'm not very sure if I'm very prepared. I don't know what will be going on next.

So, I'm still struggling on what I should do, it's really hard to decide. Too many things have to be considered. I need to be more hardworking. To be honest, I'm indecisive in this. What I should go and what life I want. It is really bad. I can't think of anything more.

Things are going nonsense sometimes. I hate this place so much that I wish I could fly.

I'd like to say bye.
BYE

Emily
29/10/2014

Before

Hello!

Today's been good! All the days have been quite productive, history is not as bad as I think, after all. The most important thing is I'm mentally and physically prepared for SPM.

I really enjoy living in this country. Well, I mean, this country has its own good in its way. However, the unfair things still happen. I feel a little angry about it but, God's the one who placed me here.

As I'm still considering my future, a lot of people give me all sorts of suggestions. I wonder how can I survive in the world. Can I go for things that I'm passionate? Or I should just take life easy and choose something... I'm curious about my life, I question a lot. Why am I here and how am I gonna be? Struggling through all the questions and I finally find out that it's because God loves me.

I have a sudden thought that I should go to study commerce instead of medicine. I have no idea if I can do anything well. 'You'll know it when you go'. This is hard, what if it's really unbearable? Can I stand?

I'm just praying that God'll do what he plans on me! I really need the answer. I can do anything, seriously, well, except those literature stuff, you know, arts. Yeah, that's it. I won't think of it anymore. Life is hard, earning money is hard, everything is hard but there's God, who can make the impossibilities possible.

I gotta go back to books. It's already been 3 month long that I never logged on to Instagram though I sometimes googled my name and checked, shhh... Okay bye!

Love
Emily
28/10/2014

Talk

Hi, I haven't no one to talk to, so I decide to write things here.

First and foremost, I really wonder who's reading my blog, there might be no one. Sigh.

It's been a holiday week as I didn't go to school this week and things went really unproductively. I feel prepared but it doesn't seem to be. Well, it's hard to describe how I am right now.

So, I actually told you about I might be going to Australia next year. But thing changes! Due to the fact that my parents don't want me to be there, I'm gonna change my plan to study at another place. The first thing that came into my mind is IMU,  I thought I could study there and have twinning after that. When my dad knows UniMas offers medicine programme, he suggested that I should go for it.

I'm quite happy to stay in Malaysia for a longer time. But then, I'm kinda worried that if I'm choosing the right path. What should I do? I don't have any ideas. Is being a doctor a good choice? Or I should go for something easier? Or theology? There seems to be a big challenge between choosing God or myself. I'm really worried.

I need to talk to someone, someone that can listen to me. There won't be anyone I guess. God is the best, I can talk to Him. He'll probably give me the best answer.

I gotta stop worrying, life, time, people...

Bye
Emily
24/10/2014

Feeling

Hello, I actually don't feel like updating my blog but I somehow wanna tell you about my feelings.

It's only left 2 weeks till the public exams, I feel extremely happy and excited about it. You never know how long I've been waiting for the day to come. I'm quite prepared for the exam you know. I don't aim much anymore as I'm accepted by the college. 9A+ will not be my aim as I know what is not my forte. However, I'm pretty sure that I can get straight As, I have no idea why I feel this way but yea, my feeling tells me so.

I kinda relaxed after all, I'm prepared for most of the subjects, still need a little touch up and I think I can do it. Well, I think this exam isn't big enough to make me stumble and fall. It's just a certificate which the probability of me using it is really small.

I needa work for History now, I don't actually hope much, I'll just try my best to dig all the facts out from my brain. I don't worry about the others, they are not scary enough.

Alright, it's time to clean up my room and have English tuition soon.

I look forward to everyday, I know nothing can let me fall.

Bye.
Emily
20/10/2014

Child

Hi! Today's a Friday.

It was a school day. Things were okay in school except my blue house teacher gave me a big problem to deal. I'm tired.

Oh well, after that, I went to Paradigm mall and had lunch with Ed board members. I wore really casually, just like a hipster Emily. Yea, I listened to some stories and I didn't have much interest in it since I had so many things to do.

I have no idea whether I looked extraordinary today. Normally, I'm a happy child who worries about nothing. I don't know what brings me so down. Even the teacher asked me the reason of me showing my upsetting face to her.

Child of God, yeah, I'm! But why am I here to worry about stuff. I know I can do nothing, seriously nothing. However, with God, I can always have my tomorrow. Just because with Him, I tell you, He's so amazing that I can never believe what he's done on me. I believe, He'll do the same thing on me again.

I don't know where to go, I wanna offer my whole life to God. Yeap, whole life, that's what matters me. I gotta go and do my physics.

I know I'm a person who doesn't really like to chat with people. I feel sorry, I'm trying. A child should always try. I believe, I'm the child who is gonna to shine for God as He's with me.

Bye. Good night!

Emily
17/10/2014

Not really but yea

Today's my bro's 12th birthday.

You might be thinking this day would have been great. However, it wasn't.

Everything was fine when my bro came home at 5pm. We played a game of Chinese chess. So exciting! I never knew one could win in that really dead situation. So, my bro taught me the tactic. Oh well, he was still good.

Until the time I asked him to create a Facebook account. You know why? There's a really big and hidden story behind this incident.

Lately, I've been really frustrated and tangled about death stuff. I was afraid to sleep at night because I had no idea where I'd be if I couldn't wake up in next morning. I thought of a lot of stuff and they annoyed me so much till u could'r focus well on my revision. I could't bear with it.

As I really couldn't stand, I sent a message to my Sunday school teacher. I thank God that he really helped me to join my neurones back. My mind has become clear and I know that no matter what happens, I'll always have tomorrow, it only depends on where I'll be. Also, I'll always be alive as God is in me.

So, after all, I asked my bro to sign up for a facebook account because I wanno have a means to contact with him, personally. I'm sure I'll miss all my family and friends here after I go. I don't know how I'm going to face so many new things with Elisa next year. I'll be blind and let God do.

My mum does't let my bro to have a Facebook account. That's really ridiculous and that's the only problem which leads to the unhappiness. Too strict... Over protective...

I have to sleep now, there's school tomorrow and I have to go for Ed board annual lunch. Too many things to do.

Bye. Nights.

With Love,
Emily
16/10/2014

Trust

Hello.

Oh yeah, today is a Tuesday. I did.nothing today. We'll, to me, practicing Add maths is kinda lame and boring. I have nothing much to say.

For all times, I just want to go somewhere else. Yeap, I can't stay here anymore. Gradually, I find that this place is really unsuitable for me.

I moved here when I was 11 years old. At that time, I couldn't help longing about my past. They were too memorable to be recalled. Till last year, I think, I felt as if I hated to go back to Bintulu because of the people there. They were and are too cold to be interact with. Since then, I started appreciating living in PJ.

This year, I feel so scared to go out. I mean, I don't think it's scary but no one can ever be trusted. People just think about themselves. Who cares what you do? You want to ruin your life? Just go ahead and no one will be telling you to value your life. This is terrible. At once, my friend told me, HUMANS ARE NEVER CIVILIZED. I would just laugh. It sounded so sarcastic.

That's why I don't have a really good friend here. No one can talk truth to me. They just like to compete, like to cheat, like to protect themselves and not to let anyone come to their lives. There are all kinds of people. But, there's a similarity, that's being so inactively and passively to help people. I have no idea who froze their tiny little hearts.

I feel so sleepy now. Good night. I blog when I feel like. I'll continue to burn!

Bye.

Emily
07/10/2014

Blind

Let me take a break.

I just came back from the church. Today's preaching was good, I know a lot of things. Not only we need to be rational, we have to have feelinga or emotions that can feel how people feel. I totally agree with this!

So yeah, people are too cold nowadays, even I become a cold person. Burning, heating, boiling! I gotta burn myself! Placing yourself in others' shoes is definitely hard. I can hardly do that, but I'm trying. I wish I could be a person who knows how to understand how people feel instead of thinking of what I love.

Back to studying, I have no idea what to study at this state, it seems I can't do much. I just keep doing exercise and memorizing all the answers at the back. This really works for most of the time. I wish to get one more time of straight As. I'm trying, uh, I feel like slacking though. I don't have much momentum.

Studying in Australia or KL? I pray that I can get the scholarship for Adelaide's one. Yeah, being blind and let God lead me is probably the best idea to decide where to go.

Bye, continue to do my work.

Emily
05/10/2014

Hatred

Hey!

Today's a friendly Friday. I feel good and just wanna use my time effecienly. I see a lot of things and have a lot of thoughts today.

People are good-looking, smart and talented. Well, that's true. Then, there are competitions between people. I hate these things, uh...

Sometimes, I just dislike a lot of things that happen in the world. Some smart people are cunning, they don't do things with step by step, but take short cuts instead.

I just wanna study. I find studying in Australia is a better choice than studying here. I wish to go there even though it's really expensive. But that feeling of wanting to go somewhere where no one ever knows you keeps making me feel like wanna leave this place so much. I can't have much to say. I need to follow my dad's decision. I told him what is in my mind. I hope he can approve it and let me do what I want. I'm tired of being here. Too scary sometimes. People...

I have no idea why people are afraid of me a lot of times. I never hate anyone and never judge. Even though I know what kind of person you are, I don't like to hate. I'm that kind of person who would choose to accept people.

There was a really serious bully case happen at next door in school this morning. I couldn't understand why people liked to dislike a person till they do something that might cause a lot of consequences. I hate this behavior.

Sorry for having so many complaints. I feel sorry for the world, cruel...

Bye
Emily
03/10/2014

Way

Hello!

There are a lot of things that I've learnt this week.

I went for maths marathon yesterday. I was extremely nervous, couldn't perform well. I didn't even try my best to do all. I know it should be quite okay for me since I had been trainin for a month. So I was kinda disappointed with myself. Yeah that is so bad. But I think God wanted me to think of something and to remember that EVEN THOUGH THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE SMARTER THAN YOU IN THE WORLD, THEY CAN NEVER INHIBIT YOU TO YOUR PASSION.

I'll work hard for one more month. I have to be sure that what I'm doing is for God. No more competition, it's too weird, you know. Uh, sometimes people just like to compare. They wanna win, for the sake of making themselves feel more confident. It's not a good idea. Sigh.

Oh right, my history study is terribly bad. Especially when I do all the objective questions, I can't do well. Uh, I feel so regretful.

Okay, I should go back and study now. I think I'll have to move to Australia next year. I'll definitely miss the people here even though I feel happy to have a new life there. You know, the feeling that you just wanna leave the place that has been giving you all the bad memories that you don't even wanna think more about it.

To be honest, I forgot what's happened in the past few months, everything happened so quickly. Came and went. Too many things. Down.

Well, bye. Till I blog again.

Emily
02/10/2014