Fight

Hello! I really wanna switch to a new blog, well, I'll do it when I get my laptop this year end.

Thinking of what'll be happening for the next few months, I can't help to shiver. Things are changing so much. Coming October will be a training month, then November a fighting month, December a free holidays month and the new year comes, I'm having no idea what I'll be doing in January. Such a change makes me feel kinda sad. But then, I believe, it won't be a big deal. I've experienced a lot of stuff that God did in me!

I feel boastful lately. I hate myself, I hate that demon in me. I feel sad. I don't wanna care anymore, I will just try my best to do everything in God. I need to be sure for what I'm doing. I have to...

Till I blog again, leave your comment below!

Bye.
Emily
29/09/2014

Goal

Hello, I thank God that I can be here and writing this post. 

Last night, my body was on a high temperature. Yeah, I mean, I had fever last night. I suspected myself having appendix as that particular part of my abdominal ache. This morning when I woke up, everything seemed fine even though there was still a little pain. 

I just wanna update my study status here. I feel really happy that I scored straight As in trial exams. I know that things can be done in God. This makes me be determined that being a doctor is not impossible. Glory to the Lord. 

My phone is so dead that the battery keeps draining all the way. I need a new phone, just a cheap one. I'm fed up on those expensive ones. I mean, they're not bad but not as good as I think, I don't need to many features. 

I don't have many thoughts to be written down. I'm lazy to do anything, essays and maths and sciences. I have to work hard but my body keeps following its own will. Strength and bravery that comes from God is enough for me. 

I'm having a mathematics competition next Saturday, I'm the player 2 of my group! I've been training hard on sudoku. All the best everyone, tomorrow is a new day. Always thank God for what you have and don't have. I'll be changing my blog next year, a more-photos blog, I think. 

Too random, I know. Bye. 

Emily 

24/09/2014

Monday

One week of holidays have gone. This is the last semester of the year. I guess everyone is working extra hard. 

HI! 

I actually wrote something before this, due to the lagging computer, I turned up canceling that post. I had so much to say.

So yeah, I got the results of 8 subjects. I'm quite disappointed with my Biology paper. I wish I could have some more marks added. Really, my teacher is very strict to the marking stuff, not like the other classes' teachers. 

The results clearly indicate that I'm not hardworking enough. I still feel hopeful, I've got another 1.5 months to polish every subject. Well, I know it won't be hard, but still it's tough enough to make me feel like failing sometimes. 

I'm thinking of changing my phone to Nokia instead of upgrading to iPhone. I don't think using a cheaper phone is a big deal. Anyway, I need a long-lasting phone. 

I've given tasks for myself today. 3 essays, okay, maybe not too much. I'll just read the essays and get points from there. I have to be tougher! 

Kay, bye! 

Emily

22/09/2014 

Nothing

Hello, my dearest blog reader! 

Today's the first day of the school holidays! It's been okay since this morning. I took a nearly 3 hour nap though. 

Yesterday, I had a good time in church even though I looked so sad. Actually, I was a little bit stressed out and there was a person who looked like she disliked me. Oh well, I don't really understand why people have to dislike the others since your job is to love people. 

I've paused to do a lot of activities in school as well as in the church. I'm very free, honestly. But I have exercise to do! I needa score straight A and stuff like that. I don't like writing my stress out especially when talking with the other. I'm sorry for saying my biggest frustration out and making you feel as stressed as me. Maybe this is why people don't like talking to me. 

Alright, I have got so many things to do, I'm slacking. Bye. 

Emily

15/09/2014

Working

I don't actually feel like writing a blog post but I have a sudden urge to type something here.

I'm so screwed up for Physics. I thought I liked it really much and I could do it well. Well, it's not what I think. I'm so tired of it. Especially, light and waves and vectors. I love calculating but sorry, the understanding of theories makes me feel so stressed out. I have to remember so many things just to do a single question of Physcis. 

Oh yeah, I went for shopping today! It wasn't as great. It was kinda funny. I mean the combination of the 5 of us. My parents, my twin, me and my eldest sister's boyfriend. How funny was that! I think he's had so many tests to do hike staying in my house for 2 days. I won't say many comments on him b'cause I only wanna support my eldest sister. 

It's so random right? Okay, let's switch topic.

I'm really weird, to be honest. I can be a serious person this minute and the next minute a funny smiling person. I have no idea about it. I don't mean to be strange at all. 

Am I crazy about studying? Yeah! I don't think I'm hardworking enough. I feel sad everytime I finished exams. I always think that my efficiency is not as good. So yeah, I got 90 for maths and 76 for add maths. It's kinda shame for me. SHAME! I love mathematics, how can it be?

Alright, stop that. I know people already think that I scored well add maths. Right, but I need my trial result for January inake.

Okay, I gotta continue Physcis now. Bye!

Emily

13/09/2014

No idea

Trial exams finally finished. 

Stress is gradually diffusing into my heart as if I can't breathe normally. I'm afraid of things that're gonna happen next. Some things that might scare me away. 

I got back my Chinese paper 2 result. It's bad, I couldn't even get a B+. I feel sad, was it the bad starting of everything. I have no idea, I'm lost.

I can't bear with it, there're too things to be achieved:( I'm afraid that I didn't get an A+, I've been forcing myself but on the other hand, I told myself to take it easy. I wonder whether I've chosen the right way to go. I have no idea, I'm lost.

I wish there would be someone affirming me that I could hit my target one day. I've lost the belief. I need to gain my faith in God back. People're dreaming too big, I feel so small. My dream is simple but hard to achieve. May I just be a small doctor that heals bodies and spread good news of God? May I?

Sometimes I just wanna walk away from my current life, I find it hard to live here. I kind of 'hate' people around me. I'm such a fake person, wearing a big warming smile and I keep telling people that I'm happy with everything. I just wonder, do I really love them? Do I really feel happy? Or I'm just acting to be happy and I'm happy? I have no idea, I'm lost. 

I can't. I can't do it, can I? Surely, I know God's his plan on me. But I never know it. I'm guessing, I'm waiting. I keep doing whatever that I should be doing. 

I'm lost, I need people to comfort me. I don't wanna feel jealous when I see people get better results than me. I don't want that evil feeling. Never. Pray for me.

Bye

Emily

08/09/2014