The struggling in heart

Hey, how's you day? 

I'm not feeling very happy right now. In fact, I feel so struggling:( the decision is really hard to make, I surrender...

Once I promised, I have to do. I know this is right, but the environment or condition is making me doing another thing. I feel so bad, truly bad. 

The debate competition that I just joined was somehow a new thing for me to experience, to learn and to try. I did think that I'd have much fun and hardship but it was true. I endured the uneasy thing, the tough job that I had to do. I sort of thought that I shouldn't have joined it, but still I made up my mind, decided to continue this narrow road. 

The thing is not as easy as how you and I think. My parent doesn't let me join the competition as I won't be speaking in front of people b'cause I'm not around during the competing period. That's bad for me, I know, but I've promised, what should I do?

I consulted my fellowship teacher to teach me how to handle this kind of thing. Whether I should continue or now... He told me to continue and do a testimony, I was totally frustrated and felt so helpless as I knew I'd have to do something that I didn't like to. 

So, yea, I told my teammate that I'd continue, but another thing happened:( My parent, she doesn't let me go. I have 2 feelings in my heart. One is feeling bad as I don't do what I've promised, another one is that I feel pretty glad that I don't have to force myself to do something that I don't like to do.

Pray for me, I need God to strengthen me. I know I'm weak.

Emily

19/11/2013