Influence

Heyo, how's your day? Let me tell you how I feel right now, I'm happy, glad, sufficed and grateful. I just went to school this morning to do some gardening job. I love it, honestly, especially clearing the weeds. Froggie garden was totally full of weeds and grass, and mosquitoes too. They weren't cool at all.

I reached school at 8a.m., it was really quite because of holiday. I walked to the garden and I saw my club's vice president. He was even earlier than me, I salute. Okay, then we started doing the work. The situation of the garden was seriously bad, like no one cared of it. As I was doing my work, mosquitoes came and had my blood for their breakfast. Yea, I donated my blood for them, then I had a thought of having a program of killing the mosquitoes. I wish it could be a success for next year. #ihatemosquitoes 

My other teammates came and did their part after we had cleared a plot. At that moment, I was facing people that I had hated before, but I told God and promised that I would never hate or dislike them anymore. In fact, I have to try my very best to love them. Yay, I did it! I didn't get angry with anyone and I could control myself all the time. I feel extremely thankful for that, God listened to my prayer, he was there with me! 

Next year will be a not-as-busy-as-this-year year. Well, I'll be the president of Nature Club, I'm an amateur who's not experienced. I hope the vice president will help me and indeed my God 'll help me throughout the year. I know I'm a Christian who has to influence people. Yea, influence! I've got too many things to learn, too much to think as well. That's called life, no matter how bad is it, God definitely gets me out of the danger. Praise the Lord, Hallelujah! 

I love nature, trees, flowers, water, animals and a lot more. I can say that I do enjoy what I'm currently doing, I'm glad to have chances to face so many problems and solve them with faith. That's amazing. I just feel that God's there whenever I do anything, as in He actually protects his daughter, me! How grateful to have such a great Father who's always there with me. #iamnotlonely 

I felt insecure all the time before I have totally believed in God, and that made me a person who couldn't influence people or have a real testimony. I'm found, I'm no more lost as I don't feel insecure anymore. I know that God's actually doing his part. While I'm patiently waiting, I still need to be hardworking and to obey Him. Honestly and seriously, everything goes exactly perfect and amazing. God is really wonderful that he does all these and I feel as if I have strength to do stuff. #wordscannotexpresshowmuchgodlovesme

I'm now pretty excited about tomorrow's dating with my friend and Elisa. We're going to watch the Catching Fire, so cool. I love watching movies, films, soap operas, dramas and all kinds of entertainment. Then, I may be watching the Frozen next Wednesday. Well, I admit I love to be entertained, that's not something really good, actually. Okay, that's not a big deal, anyway.

Oh yea, I tried to help someone last night. Sins separate humans and God, that's why even though I thought I might be annoying, still I told my friend about this. If I didn't, I suppose I'd feel sad b'cause I didn't do what God wanted me to do. Glory to the God, I did it and I pray that my friend'll get out of the dark valley. 

I still wanna tell you something but I have nothing to tell. I'll write post when I feel like sharing something meaningful or my life. I'm a tree that grows and will bear fruits next year, that's one of my task for next year. See you till the next post. 

With love,
Emily
10-12-2013

Cool day

Hey, how do you feel? Must be great, right? Yea, I sound so happy and glad. Indeed, I'm. Due to the fact that I wrote a super long post before this, so I might keep this post as short as possible. 

I just went to 1 Utama with my mum, sister and brother this morning. Before we were off to there, we had breakfast together, we didn't spend a great time there b'cause my brother didn't seem to be in a good mood. Also, my mum was really unhappy about his 'black face'. I tried my best to cheer both of them up, well, it didn't turn well though. 

We were then off to the shopping mall. I told my mum and sister that I wouldn't buy anything even if I did really wanna. I wished I wouldn't spend a single sen. I had this thought as I'm a person who's always out of control when I feel like buying any stuff that I like, I'm a little bit crazy, haha. It ended up I bought 3 pairs of colourful socks, they're quite nice and cheap. Okay, I was failed to control myself (That was a big deal, really big one). 

If you notice, you'd have seen my title of this post is cool day. I feel that the coldness of the weather today and the coldness of my family members today are actually the same. It wasn't harmony, I couldn't feel much love that they gave to each other, like mum and sister. They were (and are) just too cool to each other, so terrible. I thought both of them were supposed to be more understanding and more caring. They shouldn't be like this, I mean, behaving in a bad way, too bad. 

I need to warm them up like how I warm myself before training (home training for my whole body, so that I'll be strong and muscular enough). I pray that God'll work for our relationships. We have to love each other, no hatred! Seriously, I have to break the ice, let them know that God wants everyone to love. 

That's all for today! I'm going back to my hometown Bintulu for 4 days, I miss my grandpapa, grandmama and grandmum. They're just too lovely to me, I wanna take photos (I'm the best photographer, oh man, I'm being boastful, well, I mean I'm thankful that God made me an okay photographer). Then, I'm going to Adelaide and Sydney (for the 2nd time:P) on Christmas Day. Australia, here I come. I wish that 7 of us would be closer to each other and spend a great holiday together. 

Emily
09-12-2013

A long story

Heyo, I'm going to share about my life, not really, it's more likely my 2013 Form 4 life.

I don't know how to start this, it's sort of a drama, maybe a soap opera, not a movie, neither is it a film. Well, it's a story, a year story. 

The start of the year was really great, I got to study with a gang of smarties who were actually as hardworking and as smart and as knowledgeable as I think. They were pretty great, scored well last year and so did I. Although I considered myself the worst in the class, I still didn't give up, I knew that Form 4 was a year for me to fight, for me to win, for me to do something really amusing. Yea, so I was chosen to be the head of decoration department with my sister, that sounded more serious that it actually was, haha. That was a good start for me, to gain some marks for my co-curriculum results. I needed it to go into a good uni in the future. 

The 'fire' of getting more marks didn't distinguish. In contrast, it burned more, as if it'd go off like a bomb. I just wanted to so much, so I joined 2 clubs, a uniform 'society' (I don't know how to call it, just call it this way) and a blue house (a compulsory one, basically a sport team). Yea, like how I wanted so much, I spent my time attending all these. It was exhausting, honestly, but who cared, I just wanted my marks so badly. 

The time flied so quickly, indeed, God did something me. He helped me study, join meetings and stuff. I felt glad though. I had everything! So as to get more marks, I even decided to join the school Chinese debate team, I was so keen on getting marks, I thought I could do anything that I wanted. My parents did warn me that I wouldn't have my time to enjoy my life, but I was a rock, stubbornly said I could do it. I seriously can't forget what I told them on that night when I told them how I could do this and that. I don't feel regretful but a little, it was sort of a dream. 

I joined the Nature Club for the sake of getting marks, and I even took part in a school project. The project was extremely tiring, like hell (I'm saying the truth!). It wasn't something that really fun for anyone, I supposed. I had to write the concept paper at the first stage, I was always in a hurry. I kept rushing. In fact, I gave too much pressure to the others and myself too, and there was the first time I stayed up really late just to complete a 500 word report. 

It was a Thursday night, I'm pretty sure with that. I sat in front of the computer for about more than 6 hours. You might think I was crazy, yeap, indeed, I was mad! After vomited the report out, I sent it to my friend whose English was good. That was the starting of everything, I stepped my first step to stay up late in my life. I was a zombie on the next day, having 2 really tiring eyes to school. My work hadn't finished. In fact, it just started. 

The writing reports and proposing things that we'd be running still went on although it was exam period. I put in lots of effort to do every part of it. I just wanna win, I wanna get more marks. I couldn't stop even though I didn't really like to do it. That was bad for me and for my good friends. I had a quarrel with my friend, then I said sorry to her, but who could forget what I've done? I don't think she forgets it... Anyway, I believe she has forgiven me, that's already great enough for me. Another friend that I had conflict with was my team leader, I supposed I stressed her so much that she didn't wanna pick up my phone. It was my wrong actually, I shouldn't have phoned her during the exam period. It wasn't fair for her, not for me as well. 

Another thing that made my condition worse was that I kept on chatting with friends on Facebook. People were my God! That was what I thought, so terrible, huh? I loved talking, really, I felt as if I was loved by people. I felt sad and upset when they didn't wanna talk to me, terribly sorrowful. Haha, so many things that happened to me, right? Something that made me feel stupid and silly was my mid-term results. I couldn't face myself, and also my God, erm, my parents too. I got 23 for the ranking in my class, in a good class. I was so disappointed, I think my parents felt that too. I was such a pain for them, I felt useless when I compared myself to the others. Then, I promised my mum that I'd try my very best to score next time for end-term exam on Parents' day. 

After that, you might think that I'd have given up to get more marks. But nah, I still wanted to have marks, and I still liked to talk, I loved that feeling, like I had everything. So, yea, I joined marching and some running competitions. I seemed to be a well-rounded person to myself. I did some studying too, I wanna have flying colours and I wanna let people see how good I was, how amazing I was. At this point, as you can see, I was totally lost, I was a hundred percent sinner who thought myself was a God. 

The project was on going, thanks God for that! I was truly busy doing it with all the group members. I did a lot of forcing, indeed, like once I made an ordinary member cry. That was the moment when I listened to Satan, asking me to get angry with those people. I was lost in the big, big valley. I didn't know what I was doing. After that, test was around the corner just right after Hari Raya 2 week holidays. I knew that I had got to be hard working, I knew that I shouldn't spend my precious time chatting with people. It wasn't good for both me and someone else. I knew that it was the golden time for the young us, to study. 

I got good result for Physics, 90%! I couldn't believe that I did it when my beloved Physics teacher told me my results happily. I was crying while going to the toilet with Elisa. I told her that I did it! I was really happy. However, I wasn't found yet. Haha, I didn't give thanks to the Lord sincerely. I was being proud of myself. But, I wanna tell you that you reap what you sow, always work hard when you wanna achieve something. Hardworking is the only key to success, truly, laziness ruins your dreams. 

I stopped talking via Facebook so that I could concentrate in my studies. I started to change, I paid more attention when teachers were teaching and focused when I was doing revision. That really changed my attitude, I was more disciplined. Also, I got 7As and 3Bs for my end-term result. I got 10 in class and 19 in the whole form because I prayed before any papers was given out. I knew that God'd do his part for me, for his daughter, Emily. Well, I didn't give thanks at the end. Like seriously, I was still lost. 

I was chosen to be the president of the club, to be honest, I wished to be. I was a little bit happy but not really that happy b'cause I didn't feel like people'd want me to be, you know? People thought that I was the wrong person, I wasn't encouraged. I didn't like to be unliked. Well, I'd continue my story. The closing ceremony of the project was a prefect relief for me. We got second, that was so cool. You may think that I' have been really delighted on that day, but no, seriously nope. I did't wanna to fight any more, I didn't want to. I just wanna be a doctor, a helpful doctor who sees pregnant women everyday or maybe does some operations. If I could, I would like to go to poorer country to heal people. My dad has got money for me to study, scholarship mayn't be something in my hands, I'd give it to people who really need it.

Until the holidays started, I started my blog, yea, this blog. I read a lot of books and talk to Elisa. I still chat on Facebook but I know what I'm actually doing. I know that it's not the right time to do anything people feel right. I don't know how to express or tell you that how I think, my language is bad, haha. Then, one night, I was talking with Elisa and I told her that I didn't actually really believe in God. Yea, even though I was a Christian, I still doubted what God would do for me. I think God heard Elisa's praying after she prayed for me.

I read books and also the bible, God's there guiding me to read all the books. They helped me to think about so many things that have happened to me, how I'd react. I thank God that He placed Elisa to be with me and let me think about who I'm and what's the real goal or aim in my life. I'm not nobody, I'm a daughter of God. I have to do something to glorify God and make His people to believe Him, truly, so that they'll be safe. That's when I'm truly found. 

I think it's a long enough story that I tell, uh, maybe when I think of something to add on, I'll write another post. I've got too much to say, hahaha. Oh yea, I'm trying to love everyone. Truthfully, it is a very hard work for me, like loving my enemies and the unlovable ones. Pray to the God and He'll guide me, I believe. 

With love,
Emily
08-12-2013

Days

I'm sitting in the living room right now. I don't think I'm going anywhere so I feel free although I'm sort of caged in my home. Anyway, home is always the best place for me to do anything actually, even studying! God's home is indeed my home, a piece one in my heart always. 

I woke up at 9am today, it was really late for a person who used to wake up early in the morning. But this is not a big deal, I suppose, since I don't have anywhere to go today. Staying at home and studying Physics might be a good way to spend my time instead of going out for shopping to spend my dad's money. 

Oh well, this school holidays is a summer holidays, for me. It's only been a month long since it started and I already couldn't wait to go back to my school and start my Form 5 syllabus. I love studying and a little stress from the exams, I'm so used to them I can say, though I hate sitting for BM papers. 

The excitement of going to Australia is very, very high in my blood. I do really wanna fly right now. I like Australia, honestly, it is a great place despite the dry air. I may live their education system and also their government. If I'm not mistaken, they have a good system to reduce the environmental bad impact, it's really cool. Yea, they don't have BM in their syllabus for sure and that may be the reason of why I say I might be fond of the education system. I'm not trying to tell you how much I hate BM, it's just I'm not keen on it, that's all. 

Before visiting Australia this year end, I'll be back to my hometown. It'll be a really short visit to Bintulu. I do miss it very much, the food, the place and the people. I like the noodles and a kind of cake that Foo Chow people make, they're divine! I think it's great for me not to stay in my hometown now, b'cause I'd get fat, really fat if I was there all the time. I miss my grandpa, grandma and my grandmum, my grandpa is a bit traditional but not 'that' powerfully traditional. I love him, he's a handsome and cool man that I've seen. No one could be better than him, not even my dad. Haha, my grandmum is a cute girl, she's slightly fat as she likes to eat. Oh, I wanna go back.

It seems I don't like Petaling Jaya, huh? Not really, I have friends and intimate here. They're quite nice, I rate. I say, I love buying things, I'm a crazy buyer or a mad shopper, I always spend my dad's money like hell, ah, I just can't help myself. That's why I'm so hardworking now, so that I won't be penniless in the future and can spend as much as I want. No, that shouldn't be a Christian's life. I study hard not for myself but for God. I wanna serve The Lord and his people. I look forward to this life!

It's been raining for some days. Lots of places in Malaysia are flooded. Many of the people are homeless and some of them died in this tragic disaster. I can only pray for them at this stage, I don't have any power to heal any of the pity ones. Let's pray. 

I read a book yesterday- THE ORPHANS CHOIR. It's spooky but interesting, the author is so creative. I wish I were a creative person as I could write so many good passages or essays, just to express myself or describe something. It's cool to have such a great blessing from God. Oh well, it's just a dream. I'm sufficed for what I have haha, I have a brain that likes to solve add maths questions and lots of calculations. Glory to the God  as He's done this for me. *peace

I'm expressing myself with this blog, I just wanna make this my diary, I'm afraid of losing my memory actually. I don't know why, I just wanna keep what happens in my life a piece of something in my brain. It maybe why I like taking photos all the time. So, yea, don't blame me if I keep taking photos of you or asking you to be my model, maybe I don't wanna forget that moment and you. Feel honored huh? Haha, forget about it.

I love to share instead of saying I love to talk. I just wanna let people know what I think, I just wanna let them feel how I feel. However, most of the time, I make people feel uncomfortable, I think. Well, I'm learning to be a better person, a human that God likes. In fact, I'm reading some books that teach me how to think and act as a real Christian, a real living creature on the earth. 

I'm going to have my lunch now, a bowl of green bean soup cooked by my lovely dad. Before I end my sharing, I may be watching the catching fire on the last day of it being on screen, wish to watch the frozen as well. 

Emily

07-12-2013

Blessing

Hey, guys! I just checked the stats of my blog and found out that most of my audience were from the US. Wow, I feel so glad. 

These days, I was caged in my house as you know, my mum was quite tired of taking me and my sister out for shopping or whatever. Anyway, I used my time watching Hong Kong dramas, reading books and playing the piano. I like to live this kind of life. It's comfortable and great, actually. However, I think God mayn't want me to be in this unproductive condition for my whole life. I'm a Christian, I have to do my work. 

The book that I read recently was borrowed from my church library. It's recommended for people who're lost or for parents, as I mentioned in one of my insta posts. It was translated from English to Chinese, you can buy it at idonotknowwhere. Haha, that's funny, huh? By the way, the book is really a good book, it talks about the social in this world. Well, read newspaper after reading this book, you might find it like a substrate to its enzyme, the problem to its solution. Honestly, people in the world are sinful. I can't believe how a person can actually 'survive' without Jesus. 

Oh yea, there're topics such as marriage, sex, depression, suicidal and so on. There're really needed for people who're living in this era. The roots of all the problems are somehow the same. Why do I say so? The first and the greatest and the most important thing that people always forget is GOD. People don't want to let God guide them, to control them to be their God. That's really sorrowful, you know? I heard of my teacher said that the rules in the bible were hard to follow. That's not true! If we obey what the bible says, we're not going to be in danger or with Satan. In contrast, we're the children of God who're free from sin, joyful and peaceful.

'Let God make the decisions' is what people always say, right? I find that a lot Christians always do this but it ends up they're still upset and don't know what to do next. Why does this happen? Personally, I think we always forget that God's given all the messages in the bible. We're lazy, we're busy and we're uneasy. To? To read the book of wisdom. I wanna admit that I'm also one of these Christians. Well, I'll always tell myself that I'll do it. However, I'll then go to bed and start to dream.

The answer is in the bible, we always forget it. We wanna make more money, study more books, get more happiness. Are that actually what God wants us to do? I've been thinking about this for a long time. Why do we live in this short-term world? We're here to enjoy and be happy? My answer for you is nope, we're simply here for God, to make everyone his children. So, our lives are for God. This seems to be a responsibility and hard job for us, doesn't it? But, God loves us that he really lets us enjoy this hard but joyful lives, you know? Take a look around where you're right now, isn't it nice and wonderful? Your family, your friends and your pet (maybe) and a lot more blessings from God. It's undeniably amazing. 

We'll die without God. This is right! We're here because God created us and gave us today. Some of us do wanna kill yourselves because of your bitter and sour lives. You have to remember that God's always with you, although sins may give you a distance away from God, remember he still loves you. The love is simple but great. Many people have today and many people don't have today. I just read the newspaper and there was a page about Paul Walker. He was only 40 years old, he was indeed a young man who acted so well (I think, since he acted in so many films). You're 'luckier' than him as you have today but he didn't. 

Life is short, so live your life to the fullest. What kind of 'full' does it really mean as 'full'? To me, live life for God is the only thing that I have to do. I study for Him and be a doctor for his children. That's a dream that I've always wanted to go for. I wanna serve for God and His people. If I didn't become a doctor, I wouldn't feel bad I think, as I know that God has His great plan on me and uses me in another way. 

I don't know why, I felt like I was lost after sometimes. But now, I wanna tell you that I'm found again. I was like a sheep getting lost and being found and getting lost again and being found again. Sorry for my bad English, but that's what I'm try to tell you. Sins separate us from God, but Jesus connects us with Him. 

Glory to the God, I have got some gardening jobs to do in school Friday. I pray that everything will go as God wants it to be. To end my post, I'd like to quote a bible verse with you. 

"Now we ask you, brothers, to respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you." 1 Thessalonians 5:12

With love, 

Emily

04-12-2012

Understand

Wow, I can't believe that today's the first of December! How are you?:) 

Last night, I had an early Christmas Dinner at my home, I invited 8 of my friends to my house, having dinner and watching a movie together. That night was a hard night, was a silent night. I was really scared and not confident at all. However, I prayed to God and he really heard my prayers. The night wasn't a success but a good night. I didn't really know how to have good relationships with them, but to try my best to love them. Yeap, love. My siblings and I planted seeds in their hearts, and it's my way to love them. 

That night doesn't seem to have any connections with my today's topic, Understand, huh? Nah, there's a meaning behind all these. I truly feel that I can't actually communicate with them, yea, none of them. I didn't know what was wrong with them or with me, but now I know, I have to understand. 

I don't only lack of understanding for them, for my little brother as well. Today, I was really glad and a little bit sad as I found out I wasn't an understanding person. I often close two of my ears when people are talking. Honestly, I don't really listen to anyone, I live in my own world, trying my very best to think only from my angle. That's not good, you know, as a Christian who has to spread the good news to people. 

I feel quite disappointed when I feel like no one likes me, I feel stressed as well, really. I'm not a good listener but willing to help people. But the thing is that if I'm not a good listener neither am I a helper. That's awful, I have been making friends since I was sent in to the kindergarten. I may have had a thousand of friends in my life so far, but none of them is my best friend. I'm not trying to hurt anyone as I don't wanna be a faker who wears masks. However, there're some really true ones, the one that doesn't act and wear masks.

It seems I have got lots of resolutions for my new years, too many. I just wanna commit everything to God, I really just started to believe God this holidays, I guess. Well, I trust, just trust. I think all things that happen in my life are what God plans and does. This is faith. 

People are different, unique and special. It's so amazing but uneasy too. I must understand my family and my friends, especially the ones who need love, I have to tell them that God loves them. Also, I have to spend more time talking or communicating with them. Although it's hard to carry the cross, I'll not be a loser, who surrender to Satan, nope. 

I'm getting fat this holidays, not putting on weight, Thank God. Owh, and I did Christmas shopping few days ago. I got a green shirt from Uniqlo, it was expensive, I regretted for buying it b'cause I thought it was cheap. Anyway, I should feel happy right? Sufficed too. Mum, dad, I love you. 

Some updates for you, Elisa may be starting to learn to play ukulele next year. I'm not learning though, I wish her all the best without me, haha. Indeed, she is always with God, so not to be afraid. 

Too much to learn in life. Learning to love is the first and most important work. I wanna love people in a right way. We love, because God first loved us. 

Emily

01-12-2013