This week

Hey, how's life? I'm gonna talk about this week. 

Yesterday was my school's sport's day. It wasn't an interesting day, neither was it boring. Well, I took part in many events. One of my events was house decoration. It was definitely an event that you could see how God's plan was on me.

I was super duper busy doing deco things at school this week, staying back till 5 something, then, till 6 something. After I came home, I had no more strength to do anything. Maybe a little of homework could be done. 

My team was full of girls, some of them were absolutely great. They did their work really well, but a few of them were not that good, seriously, sometimes I just felt so mad about their work. 

Anyway, God's brought me till the day that I had to show all the things that I'd been doing. It was not great, you know? I ran everywhere like a crazy person, just to get things done. I was a total failure. I scolded somebody, I'm so sorry, I don't mean that, I was so so so stressed out. I know you guys understand:) 

I'm thankful that my teachers' advisors were kind of great, especially Pn Zainun. She did so much work as she was the one who save us. Truly, one of my team members, Xiu Ling was so committed. I know she did her part, she cried after I'd cried. 

Smoothly, everything set up but not on time. The people came to the house and it was a total disaster, we didn't get good marks, indeed. After all, they announced the winners wrongly. How can that be? I felt so 'no face'. I know I didn't do my work well, why on earth I could get the prize? 

God's plan is just unpredictably amazing in his way. In this case, maybe he really wants me to be humble, to be a good example. I needa read the bible, I don't wanna be lost again, or maybe I'm already lost? 

One thing I wanna thank God of is one of my really good friend and my sister. Encouragement and support, I thank God to have them:) 

I thank God if I win, I thank God even I lose. I thak God for everything that I have, that I don't have. I don't deserve all these but He's the one who's given me so so much. 

Haha, I got third for 4x100m, 4x400m and 200m. Can't you see His amazing plan on my legs?

Studying week starts now, monthly tests is not even more than a week from now. I gotta work more and be tougher and stronger in God. 

Okay, bye!

Emily

28.06.2014

Hectic

Hello, I just finished 2 papers today! History was kinda killing me. 

This week has been a really busy week. I've got so, so much work to do. Guess what, I'm the head of decoration for Blue house which this house has won medals for almost every year. I'm a little stressed out b'cause there're so many problems:(

Paper mâché, paper mâché! *sigh* 

So, I did duty on Monday (photographer), sprinted and ran on Tuesday, discussed deco thingy on Wednesday, did the same thing again on Thursday, caged myself at home for studying on Friday. Uh, my life is really busy. 

I'm having bad flu this week, I went home from school on Thursday. It was terrible. I was tired as I didn't have enough sleep before that day. Uh, anyway, it's just 'flu'.

I'm waiting for something which I mentioned before, I'll get my dad's old phone instead of a new one. 

Well, I'm trying to control my mind. Surrender things to God!

Emily

21.06.2014

New game

School starts today! 

I did lots of unecessary work in school today. It was really tiring, walking here and there. I was the main photographer for Hari Koperasi, it wasn't a fun job although I like taking photos. 

I was really down, people call that emo. I wasn't in a really good mood b'cause I've been trying to play a physiological game with both my parents. I wanna be a good student who is disciplined, has good grades and stuff and stuff. I wanna get an iPhone. 

Well, I'll be staying in school for the whole day for the next 4 days, running, decorating and some more things. You know, Sport's Day is coming and I have so much work to do. Uh, I have monthly test on this coming Saturday. Can I bear with it? Because I desperately want a phone, I'll definitely strive hard to get what I want. I'm kinda bad, huh?

Till today, I've got the results for 7 out of 10 of my subjects. I can't say it was bad but neither Xin I say it was good. I got 1A+, 1A, 4A- and 1B+. It was bad that 1 got 74 for my moral subject which gave my my first B+. Haiz, A-, I can't complain anymore, I didn't really study for it, did I? No:( I was so stressed out that I told Elisa that I gave up during the exam time. Sacarstically, I was a 'good' student. Okay, good game. 

I have to finish Add maths homework by today, finish my history revision by today. I gotta work extremely hard now. It's a new game, I don't wanna lose. Oh yeah, I have to practise singing my church choir song, I hope I can sing it well, though I'm not very sure whether I'm a soprano. 

Kay, I'm hungry, it's diner time. Oh, before I forget, I've started prohibiting myself to go online. No Facebook starting from today. I'm lazy to care about people in school. Dad, can you buy me an iPhone 5c? 

Do I deserve it? Not really, I need to work hard to prove that I'm not a waste. 

I have to read the bible. I'm afraid that I've gone lost. 

Emily

16/06/2014

Little secret

Hey, readers! I wonder how many people read my blog, maybe none of you is my friend.

Oh well, that's not a big deal. Maybe only me, myself care about this blog which is so picture-less and uninteresting. It's okay, I don't need people, do I?

I wanna talk about getting a phone. Seriously, this issue has been dragging me since I don't now when. I want a phone, not really want, but I need it. If you're not me, you don't actually know the feeling of being in such a strict family. My mum is honestly a good mother, the way she used to teaching me was so good, even better than the school teacher, you know. She was too energetic, but my twin sister and I still didn't get really good grades while we were in primary school. However, I managed to get straight As in the public exam due to my ego. She's still strict but not really, after she found out that I'm actually even stricter than her while doing my work. That's true, I have been placing myself in a stressful situation where I have to be disciplined enough to cope with my demands.

Phone, I need one. Currently, I hate Facebook so much. Without it, I couldn't live. I can, but my life is so so hard. I don't have a phone. I have to check Facebook about everyday, in case there's something really important. Desperately, I need a phone. So, I wrote an email to my dad, proposing that I want an iPhone 5c, telling him the reasons of wanting a phone and how I promised I'll be a good person after all. That's a brilliant idea, isn't it? I don't dare to tell my mum about my idea of wanting something more than RM1k which would probably make me a wilder child. Hmm, I'm a really good student, in my friends' minds. I suppose no one thinks that I'll do something wild.

The greatest reason of promising I won't do anything bad in the email is that I'm Emily. Yeah, I'm Emily, I won' do this or that. I was using myself, my attitude to guarantee that I will still be a good student, a good daughter and etc. The most astonishing ending of my email is that 'I know what I'm doing'. This is the best saying of the year. In this sentence, the confidence and promise are shown. I'll be responsible for what I've done.

I like gadgets no because of having all these make me a better person. Nope. The reason is that, from all the new technologies, my brain will like attracting all the mathematics and physics automatically. I don't know why, I think I should study to be an E&E engineer. That might be my right track.

Money, I don't even have a penny. My dad loves me so much that he could even give me a star from the sky. I thank God for him. While comparing myself with my friends, I can say, I'm so much blessed. First, is to know God, second is to have a dad like my dad. He's not stingy, he gives his time, his money, himself to his children.

So, I haven't told my mum about my idea. One day, she'll know about it. I don't wanna share. Sharing in this way is too much, no privacy. I don't like it. I want to have my own thing. Sometimes, I just feel lonely that I don't even know I'm so alone. It's hard to mix with others, don't you think so?


Emily
13/06/2014

Uncontrollable

I feel helpless right now. I know the what the whole thing is happening. But people just shut their ears and refuse to listen to me. Stubborn, too stubborn.

I don't know how to react. Suicidal seems so contagious. Ahh, please... DON'T

I'm so speechless. Maybe they just need silence. Everyone just want to let their feelings flow out and don't want to accept anything. Well, that's my family:(

I wanna do what I should do right now. I needa talk to my mum, I think she's the one who can talk with. You know...

Too many maybes, decisions and stuff...

No one I can tell, I have nobody. Only God, He's the only one. I thought He'd place somebody to talk to me, but no. Okay, that's alright. God's enough for me.

*sigh*

Trying

Yo, I'm great!

Today's a really unusual Sunday. I was very excited to go to church this morning, that kind of exciment was really imdescribable. Oh well, before going to church, I was reading the last part of 'Miss You Forever' (the 3rd serie of Lost You Forever). They story line is really good, honestly. I can't help falling in live with it. Too much. Dramatic. Well-written. Touching. Lovely. Forever. If you wanna read this book, I can lend them to you. Oh my... I can't control myself. 

Okay, that's to much, I know. So, my outfit of today is a uniqlo blue T-shirt with a new jean skirt. They're all blue and new. I'm such a big fan of blue... Hmm, continue my story. So, I went to the Sunday school. Not many people went there, maybe most of them went for holiday. When we finished reading the scripture, we were supposed to sing Gloria Patri and someone was supposed to be playing the piano. I felt normal, just as usual. It's just a sudden when my friend asked me to play they song. I wasn't really scared or nervous. Just felt nothing. I went up and played it without the piano sheet. Not to deny, my tempo was so wrong and people just simply sang it. I'm so sorry, I haven't played it until perfect. I'll practise. Then, for Doxology, I stopped in the middle. Haha, just when I felt I pressed the wrong key. It was a good start for me though:)

Then, we had lesson. It was about sufferings which I didn't share much. However, I told my friend that I was really afraid of loneliness. Was I? Am I? I'm not sure. Uh, that's not really important. So after that I had my 1st choir practice. I felt a little nervous b'cause I was very dscared of being looked down by anyone. Well, gradually, I felt better even though the song was pretty hard to be sung. Am I a soprano? I'm not sure, but I'm quite sure that I can sing high pitch then low pitch. My lowest pitch could be A, I think so. It was great!

I think I'm just a person who's hard to mix with people. Maybe I'm too serious, or I might have behaved too dull. I don't know. I'm not a nerd, I'm forced to be one. I can't live my life the way I want it to be. I know that, my life is not my life, I need to work for God. I can't be such a lazy person. I can't live an enjoying life. 

I'm trying very hard, maybe I'm not. I need to go out of the box. Being too square or rigid can't bring me anywhere, can it? I know, I can go out of the box by being around the box. Be right and be clear, I have to know what I'm doing at every moment. I have too many things to do, too many interests. Photography, playing the piano, singing, I need to fight against time. I'm a photographer, a Chirstian, a student, a person who's chosen to decorate:(, a president of the Nature Club, a pianist, a runner... 

I'm not tired, am I? Or maybe I'm too tired to know I'm tired. Nonsense. Spm is really coming soon. I still left 4 months. I need to be prepared. I have to work. Essays, questions, knowledge, I wanna stuff all of you inside my brain, my cells. God is the mountain. I'm doing all things for Him. Aim. 

Bye,

Emily 

08/06/2014

Me

Hello, it's blogging time. 

Me, people in the world always mention 'I' almost every moment. The first thing that we think is always ourselves. This is clear that we're kinda self-centered, aren't we? 

Well, I'm gonna share something that's in my mind. Uh, from my appearance, I mean, from what I present to people is that Emily is a girl who's out of fashion, rigid, serious (maybe), muscular (I feel) and boyish. True, I somehow agree with all these. I'm sure that I'm not like the other people who're at my age. I can hardly talk to them with my 'rigid' opinions and 'unfashionable' acts. 

The world is created by God. I'm a creation of God. I'm learning to surrender everything to Him. It's hard, really, really hard, but not impossible! I'm trying. I don't let the voice of desire in my body speak out, I needa learn to control, control my mind and my body. I can't let everything go on my way, I have to follow Jesus, obey to God and have peace in my heart.

Truly, I'm trying to be a good testimony of God. God is too great, he's so unlimited! Hallelujah:) The peace in my mind makes me feel like I'd choose a tougher life, yeah, what I mean by it is to be a doctor (maybe a surgeon). I'm keen on it but not really good at it, honestly. E&E engineer would be a better choice for me, you know? My brain is so mathematical that it loves hard and logic mathematic question so, so much. Well, I' still thinking about my future carrier. If you're reading this, you can probably give me some advice so that I can consider it.

Oh yeah, during this holidays, I don't feel like doing anything. Being lazy everyday:( but, I go for jogging every evening, from 6 laps, I managed to add more 2 laps. 'I can run 2.4km without rest!' Well, but I still look fat, not 'look' but 'am' FAT. Shh, my BMI is 19.3. High density huh? Who cares? *sobbing* 

Okay, that doesn't bother me much, actually. I'm not a anorexia sufferer, I feel definitely thankful and I enjoy any food that is eligible (even it's not delicious!) 

Needa do my add maths project and write an essay now. 5 more essays to go. *stressed*

Love,

Emily

05.06.2014

'Holidays'

Hey, this is probably my first post after my mid-term exams. Alright, I have nothing much to say, but plenty of things to share. 

I just joined a camp, which was not a camp but something like a seminar. Well, I don't know how to describe it since it was really indescribable. I learned a lot of things in the camp. For instance, the right way to sing, the meaning of having services every Sunday and lots of lots of stuff. Yeah, during the camp, I talked to many people, more like sharing, actually. And, I'm joining the choir! *woots* which means I won't have much time doing rubbish activities. You get what I mean, don't you?

That's definitely cool, isn't it? Oh yeah, I've been doing nothing since the holidays started one week ago, of course, despite the camp. Well, I read a trilogy, it's in Chinese, so so so interesting and exciting and thrilling and fantastic. 

Having 4 Malay essays and 2 English essays to write, I still can blog about my life after 1 month not updating my blog. Uh, I need time, TIME. I need it to train myself as a good scholar, which means a straight As student. However, I'm literally lazy now. Help me! 

Gonna meet a doctor on the Sunday after next and talk about how a doctor's life for serving God is like. Cool? Definitely! Okay, I'd be doing my work now. I don't want next time when I had a patient asking me what I did when I was from 5, I had to tell him/her that I was so busy blogging about my days. And the next day, he/she wouldn't want to see me again b'cause they doubt my skills and profession. Haha, I'm thinking too much. 

Bye. I'm learning to be humble, more hardworking and to love people around me. 

Read the bible and pray:) God bless!

Love, 

Emily

03.06.2014