Hurt

Hello, finally, monthly test game was over. I'm sure I did badly for Malay. Well, it was just a game. 

I felt so ill this morning. I had a really bad flu, but I thank God for my friends Huan Zhe and Edward who helped to take my stuff and call my dad. I thank Gor for giving me both of you as my friends, still owe Huan Zhe an ice-cream, haha.

I felt truly sick, the mucos in my nose kept dripping out and I couldn't stop sneezing these 2 days. I must haven't got enough sleep as I stayed back yesterday to do some cleaning work. Well, honestly, God has His own amazing plan. While I was carring a heavy box, a really helpful person came and helped me. I was so pleased b'cause I'd never been helped. Good one, I feel happy for the world. 

I'm a cold person, aren't I? I'm so unfriendly to the others. I shut myself. No one can ever be close to me. To be honest, I'm not a good person:( I'm afraid of hurting the one that's close to me and then go away. 

Oh yeah, I wanna talk about Kit Yong. She was a really good friend. I had a little revision time with her this morning. She didn't seem to have memorised all, but I could see she tried. I thank God for her as well:) 

Alright. I needa get up and work. 

Bye 

Emily

04.07.2014

Weirdo

Hello. 

I don't know what to say. 

I just feel down, down, down. 

What I thought wasn't right. 

I've tried to be so calm and serious and stuff. I can't control myself. 

I just wanna hide myself. I can't let it go. I just can't. I feel too bad. 

I'm such a stupid person. No one understands me. I guess no one. Not even the one that I think.

Pray. I have to pray. Let it go. 

Bye

Emily 

03.07.2014

Real and unreal

Hey, I just woke up from my nap. I did so much last minute studying yesterday. 

Today was great. I had 3 papers, they were quite okay. Uh, tests are not what I'm gonna talk about in this post, though. I have the urge of wanting to share about the real and unreal stuff of me.

It's been really unreal (that means fake) for me to be a good student, a good daughter and a good person. From my teachers' comments on me, they keep saying that 'Emily's a hardworking girl'. My bio teacher is even worse, she gave me full marks and wrote 'V. Good' for me. When I saw all the compliments that I got from all my lovely teachers, I felt that they were actually cheated. I ain't as good as they thought. I'm a super lazy person, I go online a lot, I love electronic gadgets more than I like any subjects, I watch TV everyday, the most I like is talking. I'm sorta a disturbance, I feel. 

Not only that, I'm kinda a real, good student in my classmates' eyes. I definitely do my homework (all the stuff that teachers ask us to do). Well, honestly, I do, but sometimes I don't and I feel really guilty after that. I have debts for many subjects as well. I'm not good. 

My mum's another one who's cheated by me. Well, she told me that I was the only child who helped her massage and do a little housework. I did all this b'cause I think it's an obligation. I'm not good. Plus, she said I seldom make her angry. (This is a really idiotic sentence, I've been an extremely bad bad bad person, I can hardly make my parents happy. For instance, I begged them to buy me a RM 3k canon 700D, an iPhone, and expensive clothes) 

I'm a real cheater, honestly. How many people has been cheated by how I take up so seriously about my responsibility. Well, I joke a lot, I've also been so irresponsible. I've done thousands of really stupid things. I think, only my twin sister who keeps telling me that I'm stupid is not cheater by me. 

Truly, I feel stupid most of the time. I'll feel people I feel old to indicate that I feel idiotic. Sometimes when I was about to scold people with bad words, I just controlled myself. That's why no one sees me using bad words. Also, I've insulted many people. I'm too terrible. I think about a lot of bad stuff sometimes.

I'm not living a good testimonial life, but I know God has His plan on me. I'm sometimes lost, lost in a way that I forgot about Him and kept thinking of some really unnecessary things. 

I feel so fake. I'm not an honest person everytime I'm dealing with people. I don't know how many people would be my friends if I was really real? I don't know I'm talk about, maybe I'm already real. 

Trying to be tough. God loves you and me. 

Bye 

Emily 

02.07.2014

Alone

Hello, how's life? I've been studying for monthly test lately. I just wanna finish all the syllabus.

I'm thinking of the thing that I'm afraid of the most. My answer is loneliness. 

I'm scared of being alone. Not doing stuff  by my own that kinda alone but the loneliness that God doesn't want me to be His child. If that really happened, I would be in a total death. I can't think more than that, that's already trerribly bad. I can't bear with it. 

I've been wasting my time doing something stupid as well. I don't know, maybe I'm just too stupid to do what smart people do. Oh well, it's good to be a stupid person sometimes. I really like talking. I can just talk about anything that you can think of. I like sharing testimonies that God's done on my life. Too much. Too blessed. 

A new number for contacting with other people is great enough for my current life. 

I ultimately get what I've always wended to. I don't like showing off, I'm the kind of person who wants people to know me as they really want to know. I'm not sure whether you get what I mean. I feel like rambling. 

Alright, I have to get up and start studying chemistry. I must put in my whole effort. God's there with me. He definitely is. His plan is too unpredictably amazing. 

I don't say I like anyone as I'd rather act it out how I love people. Seriously, I'm honest. 

P/s: I don't like people who like the others just b'cause they look good. 

Bye,

Emily 

01/07/2014