Stress is gradually diffusing into my heart as if I can't breathe normally. I'm afraid of things that're gonna happen next. Some things that might scare me away.
I got back my Chinese paper 2 result. It's bad, I couldn't even get a B+. I feel sad, was it the bad starting of everything. I have no idea, I'm lost.
I can't bear with it, there're too things to be achieved:( I'm afraid that I didn't get an A+, I've been forcing myself but on the other hand, I told myself to take it easy. I wonder whether I've chosen the right way to go. I have no idea, I'm lost.
I wish there would be someone affirming me that I could hit my target one day. I've lost the belief. I need to gain my faith in God back. People're dreaming too big, I feel so small. My dream is simple but hard to achieve. May I just be a small doctor that heals bodies and spread good news of God? May I?
Sometimes I just wanna walk away from my current life, I find it hard to live here. I kind of 'hate' people around me. I'm such a fake person, wearing a big warming smile and I keep telling people that I'm happy with everything. I just wonder, do I really love them? Do I really feel happy? Or I'm just acting to be happy and I'm happy? I have no idea, I'm lost.
I can't. I can't do it, can I? Surely, I know God's his plan on me. But I never know it. I'm guessing, I'm waiting. I keep doing whatever that I should be doing.
I'm lost, I need people to comfort me. I don't wanna feel jealous when I see people get better results than me. I don't want that evil feeling. Never. Pray for me.
Bye
Emily
08/09/2014
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