Struggling

There're 2 ways for me to go, either here or there. 

Recently, I just finished my monthly test and holidays start today. This means I'm on my way to next semester and there're about 8 months more until SPM. Seriously, I wanna do it well. 

The struggling that I have is about how I think and how I feel. They're always not the same, I think. Head or heart? I'm the kind of person who always chooses heart instead of head. Maybe that's why I do wrong decisions so many times. I don't know why, it must be God's planning.

Well, I love everyone, including those bad ones. Sometimes they just wanna be your friends because of some 'evil' reasons, uh, I'm not sure. Or maybe sometimes the just wanna cheat you so that they'll feel happy or something? Or they just wanna be your friends, that's all. So, I don't know what my friends want from me, but I think they love me as well, like how I love them. 

Every time, when I deal with people and work, I'll always consider people first (See, I'm following my heart, my feeling). At once, I was shy to give people to do work because I was afraid they wouldn't like me after that. I did feel bad if I gave them work, I felt as in I gave a big trouble to them. However, I was sure that I couldn't finish work all by myself. Everyone needs help, I guarantee. So where I should have chosen? To give or not to give? 

Well, I gave them work, indeed. Things don't happen like what you want, always. Okay, so the impact of giving work to people was I felt bad. BAD. 

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Currently, I don't have this kind of problems because I'm not working with people for the whole year. I'm free, I have my own life. The feeling of bad has probably gone, and I'm now happy. I have more time to study my books, I love learning. I love studying. Yay. Well, but I definitely feel nothing when I don't have friends to talk to or what. Yeah, Elisa is my partner but she's not the same, more specifically, she's my twin sister, not my friend actually. I admit that I don't have a 'the best-est best friend'. I kept all my secrets and stuff by my own self. Up to this point, I'm sure that God's the one who is the closest to me. 

People, they're different. I have tried my very best to smile to everyone as it is kind of my way to spread the love. I know they I can actually make a person's day by smiling at them and saying a 'Hi' to them. But well, I think I've been a little unhappy (no, I don't think so...) and forget to smile at people. No. Yes. No. Uh, I'm lost. 

I just wanna control my feeling. I just wanna love people, not to like anyone at the moment. You get what I mean? Maybe you don't, only I know. But I think, I've found a great solution which is PRAYING to God, let the BURDENS and WORRIES go. It's the best way I tell you:)

Till I write again. Don't question me. Thanks:)
Emily
22/03/2014